Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tuesday, Feb. 14: Happy Valentine's Day

February, the day is sunny, the chill is coming back though and it’s the day of either love, or commercialized love, or feeling bad your aren’t in love, or feeling pissed off you aren’t in love, or blaming the world you aren’t in love, or scoffing at the commercialization, or taking advantage of a mass ritual to do something nice with your sweetie, or wishing you had a sweetie to have something nice to do with.

And what to make of all that?

What do you love right now?

This can be your first valentine, first one your list, what you think of first when you think of what you like. I like writing something when I haven’t really thought about it and am scared that nothing will come up and something does seem to emerge. I also like writing when I’ve got thoughts rolling around and want to tell someone, and writing them down means I can tell a lot of people, if they get around to reading what I wrote. Apparently writing this stuff is my first Valentine. And then?

I like moving and learning new and easier ways to move. I like learning and teaching Feldenkrais.®

I like, love my sweetie, and that is a nice story. Where did she come from? She came after I did the work of getting clear of the ones before, of seeing what I’d done wrong, and where I was holding on. When I got clear, I was able to see Marlie when she came into my life. The Work of Byron Katie was of immense help. With one earlier woman friend the story she shouldn’t leave me was huge and then, with the work, I realized loving her meant loving her being with someone she preferred to me. With another woman, realizing that loving her didn’t mean I had to stay in a scene that was argumentative night after night. With myself, I realized that the story that there was something wrong with me since relationships had ended was not a true story, and was not serving my happiness.

When I learned to find and be responsible for my own happiness, I was only looking for a friend, with whom to share my happiness and interests. I wasn’t looking for someone to make me happy. I was already happy. I was looking for someone to share being outside and gardening. It turned out, as I returned to learning about using my body in sweet and more kind and intelligent ways, I was looking for someone who was interested in that. Someone who liked themselves and loved nature.

Marie was all that and more. We met. Hung out together. Spend our first night together in an outside setting. Got to know and like and love each other. Sometimes we are annoyed. Usually we come back to the present and get unanoyed. Sometimes we have to do the Work to get unannoyed. We love to touch and to roll around naked in bed together. Sleeping naked is good for people. Laughing is good for people. Doing things that are fun together is good for people.

Marlie and I have a good time, and sometimes we don’t, and then we have work and if we don’t do the work, then we suffer. Then, sooner or later, our suffering wakes us up and we shift attention off of blaming and back to learning and the present, and love comes seeping in, as if it is the natural state. As if that is what is there, always, underneath and surrounding everything.

This is sweet.

I hope sweetness for you and if you don’t have a sweetie, I hope you are clear that you can be wonderfully in love with yourself and life without a sweetie. If you aren’t, I hope you do the work on whatever story is stopping you from loving yourself and life. Learning is such an important part of being happy. I’m deeply interested in the Feldenkrais approach to learning. These is all the same journey: getting more whole, living a rich and full life, being present and happy, and learning and in love.



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