Monday, April 17, 2006

Monday, April 17 : What to do when someone is annoying

This is one of the annoying things that happens in life. Someone comes along, a visiting relative, a perfect mate who suddenly isn’t so perfect, a new workmate, whatever, they get it into their minds to be a jerk and boss you around or yell at you, or accuse you of absurd things. You know the situation: someone is giving us a hard time.
What to do?
Don’t take it personally is the beginning and the end. The old Byron Katie ide of my business, your business, God’s business. I teach this to kids. “When your mother is in a bad mood, whose business is it? If you get upset about your mother getting upset, whose business is it?”
From the point of view of their behavior being their problem all sorts of possibilities exist:
1) Ask them if they are really dong what they want to be doing.

2) Tell them the truth, from your point of view. “You might think you are doing this to help me, but when you….., I feel …(angry, sacred, disrespected, little, whatever.)”

3) Tell them what you wish, realizing that their job in life is not to do what you wish, nor even to listen. But at least let it be known. “I’d prefer it if you wouldn’t yell at me.” “I’d prefer it if you’d not rearrange my stuff.” “I’d like it quiet when I’m reading.”

4) Just watch them go through what they go through and try to imagine what is motivating them. What is this telling you about how they must feel and live from their insides.

5) Go into happiness at being you and being able to follow your breathing and sense gravity while they are doing whatever they do.

6) Watch your own freaking out responses, get out a pencil, write them down, and do the Judge your neighbor, Write it down, Ask four questions, Turn it around, work of Byron Katie.

7) Watch your own freaking out responses, do the work and end up grateful at the chance to learn to be cool while they are showing you how to disconnect from your buttons.

8) Ask them what it is like to be them.

9) Ask them if they know they are bothering you.

10) Discover how not to be bothered ( see above), and ask them if how they behave is supposed to be bothering you.

11) Watch the whole thing and think of how amazing it is to be alive and to have this sort of nonsense to watch.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home