Awake or Asleep

As I was hanging
around
awake,
so-called,
in the middle of
last night

i was noticing the usual
three choices

the human predicament:
low functioning robot
or
high functioning robot
or
aware

in the middle of the night:
low ro is like this:
worry, worry
things i could/ should have done
worry, about back to sleep
mis
using the old brain
thinking of people
who "done" me wrong
or
even,
old favorite:
"mistakes" i've made
in the life
of the one
named Chris

high ro is:
relaxing into the time
of quiet
appreciating
the no phone
no hurry
nothing to do,
nowhere to go,
nice time to plan how
to do
various things i want to
do
nice time
to review
what's working
and not working in my life
nice time
to think of others
in my life,
wish them well
nice time
to remember
other nice times
nice time
to do the various
visualize nice things
for myself, or the world

and then
aware:
the feel of where i'm pressing into the bed
the shape and feel of my breathing
watching thoughts come on
bubble up,
and with the watching
go
either the Witness thing
or
the Byron Katie Work
thing,
inquiry: is that true?
and so on,
and the thoughts
are like ripples
and the lake
is this me ness
this nowness
this aware glow
from a follow my breathing,
sensing my legs and arms
and spine
and knowing
i'm alive
place

and the big trick:
to be aware/awake
and do the high ro
stuff,
the visualize,
remembering,
upscale planning
while home
now,
in my body, sensing, breathing
nowness

lots of
possibilies
in an empty night

and then
of course,
"waking up"
after falling back to "sleep"

sitting up:
aware of how that happened
or not?

riding bike to park
to teach:
aware of legs moving, or not?
aware of breathing,
or not?
aware of what i'm seeing,
or not?

high ro life:
gettting things done
being nice to people
seeing things in a bigger way
having a sense of the value of life

low ro life:
worried
bitter
angry
blaming
and
so on

aware life:
ah,
well
it's less fancy sounding than the high ro,
and it's real