staying awake and "stress"; realizations about love

Gurdjieff has this fun thing
the fourth way:

go out into the world
and stay
awake

he calls it
"remembering yourself"

moving time

not moving arms and legs,
but moving the house and books and furniture

and
email
and phone
and bills
and blah
and blah

and that is hard
for me
so far
going through phone change
and internet telling me no, no

la,
la

i "forgot" myself
while doing it

and the great
joy
to stop forgetting

and come back

home

---

hints on love:

if the other person has to do
anything

anything

to "deserve"
or get
or have

your love

then,
it isn't love



which makes it weird and very free:
my loving you
has nothing to do with you

sounds impersonal
and yet,
how freeing:
you don't have to suck up,
live up,
be good up,
do good up,
to get my love

if
i am
awake

---

starting to see
how powerful
this is???