Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Jan. 11: Returning to Love when Arguing, 2: Touch

Here’s another sweet way to stop the quarrelling we fall into when our me-me-me robot takes us over and we are busy ruining our moments, our peace of mind and our love by busily ( and mindlessly) engaging in attack and counter-attack.

As with yesterday’s essay, the key element is to stop. Stop the words coming out of our mouth. Stop the words rushing through our small minds. Return to a quiet that gives us a chance to get back to our big minds. And if we can’t get to an inner quiet, at least go to the outer silence of no more of the arguing, which is basically this: “I’m right, you are wrong.” Or, “I’m good and you are bad.”

Either version is much better off in silence and then we can go for the easiest and most primitive non-verbal communication: touch. Yep, to solve love’s difficult moments, the solution is to do less, talk not at all and touch more. This will necessitate coming closer. This will call for facing each other. ( Most quarrelers, busy arguing with some ghost memory from childhood, don’t look at each other, but are busy snarling away at the invisible wounds, rather than having any idea of the other person in the fight with them).

Come close, face each other, reach out, hold hands. That’s all. Don’t even need to hug. The hands can hold very softly. Just touch and sense yourself and your partner. That is all.

That is huge.

To touch and sense and follow the breathing, coming home to ourselves in our breathing, living bodies and coming home to our partner as another body on this big planet. Two warm blooded mammals coming close and touching, eyes open or closed, this is the beginning of a great and sweet healing. Next time you argue, try it.


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