Friday, September 30, 2011

divorce blues and the wake up call

In divorce,
each person almost always feels cheated
of a dream.

And the dream was to be really loved,
loved on their good days
and loved on their bad days.

The trick is,
it's hard to love people on their bad days,
and so that's probably what the divorce is about:
more bad days than good days.

Not enough love.
Not enough appreciation
Not enough fun.

And all that was probably true,
and then the divorcee is all alone
and wishing they'd been treated better.

Oh, well.

Here's a couple of interesting shifts on all that:

One, the past is passed. Gone. Over.
The X is never going to whisk you
back in time
and act perfect the way you wish they'd been.

they are over whatever place they are
wishing you'd given more love.

getting someone new
aka "moving along"
while a good aspirin for the pain,
since sex always makes us feel better
about life,
and helps us pretend that
"now we are really loved:,
but "moving along"
without having
"done the work"
is the path to a life of no growth
in our ability to love.

Because this is what we have to do with
the X'
sooner or later:
Love them for their inability to love us enough.

The work of Byron Katie
is the quickest and easiest way to get there.

And just for starters realize this:
if they could have loved more,
they would have.
It's fun to love.
Inability to love is painful.
Their inability to love more is
their pain.
Hope that they get over that pain.

And second, realize: hey,
if I can't love myself every second of
every day,
how could have they.

So, that's the start:
realize they were in pain.

Two, realize you're in pain,
since you don't know how to be a full
time unconditional lover of yourself.

And then, "move on."

Not necessarily to another person,
but the a world brightly aglow
because you are in love with every moment.


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