Jan. 12: Returning to Love, 3: Truth

FROM QUARRELING TO LOVE, 3 (Truth)
This is another way to look at the path from the unhappiness of quarrelling to the happiness of love. The path is one of truth. Touch, truth and fun can be seen as the requirements for a good relationship, and can be seen as the way back to harmony and enjoyment when it is lost.

What is going on now?

That is a fundamental truth that will improve the quality of our lives no matter when we ask it. To notice: I am in an argument with my loved one. I am using this tone of voice, they are using that tone of voice. I am feeling tense inside. They look unhappy. We are in the kitchen. It is evening. I am not looking at my partner. They are not looking at me. I am hungry right now. I am feeling….

Whatever is going on, that’s where the attention, where my attention can go. This does two things. One, it gets me out of the “I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m good, you’re bad” world I mentioned in the last section. Two, it gives me access to something that is much closer to my real self, an Observer who can watch what is going on while it is going on.

So in an argument, there is the principal of stopping, looking and listen. There is the principal of touch. And there is the principal of asking myself: what is really going on now?

I mentioned this question before, the questions: Is this making me happy. Is this making my mate happy?

These questions can bring us back to the truth: when we argue we are destroying the quality f life we most desire, a quality of life in which happiness and love prevail. What is going on right now? Always a good question. Even now.