Day Seventeen: The Work of Byron Katie, Question #1

A sort of “death” needs to take place to achieve real happiness and emotional freedom. The Byron Katie work offers simple, though life and heart changing, tools to achieve this. Today the first question: IS IT TRUE?

Other people sometimes drive us crazy. Sometimes we drive ourselves crazy. Sometimes the world seems “awful,” “unfair,” or just plain “too hard.”

Good. All this unhappiness is Reality’s gift to us.

And a grand incentive to learn and master this path of undoing emotional suffering and bondage: the Work of Byron Kaite.


The work of Byron Katie leads us back to the one person who can make us happy or unhappy--- ourselves. It does this by suggesting that we:

Judge our neighbor.

Write it down.

Ask four questions.

Turn it around.


Today’s work/ game / play/ learning is this: notice all our thoughts that are of the ilk, “So and so should be different.” Write these –in one sentence form -- down on paper. Cut to the chase: puteither a should or a shouldn’t in the sentence. Like “X should be nicer to me.” “Z shouldn’t be so angry at me.” “T shouldn’t ignore me.” “My Mother/ Father/ Brother sister should have…”

Write them down. This is judging. This is writing it down.

And ask the first question after you write it down: Is it true?

Don’t get too fancy, and work at opening your heart and mind to this distinction: true vs. an opinion. If I hold out a rock and let it go, my opinion makes no difference in the truth of gravity. If I have the opinion that X should be nicer to me, that is not the same kind of truth. It’s what I want. Other people might agree. Agree that I am “right,” and X is “wrong.” Oh, well. Their agreement or disagreement, though the source of much gossip and social backbiting, doesn’t make my opinion true.

Spend the day noticing your thoughts that want others to be different, write down the should/ shouldn’t sentences about these “wrong” people, and then begin to come to freedom by asking, Is it true?

This work can be “gotten” from the Website: thework.com, and from Katie’s books, all of which are wonderful on CD listening form. Find the books and CD’s also at her site.

37: On the Way to Heaven

Introduction to the Work of Byron Katie

Other people sometimes drive us crazy.

Good.

If we are here in life to be happy (and a useful part of a bigger universe and ecosystem), then what good are these other people who seem to pull us out of our happiness?

We could say that these “troublesome” people have the great gift, the gift of showing us where we need to wake up. Easy to say, often “hard” to do, but anything we don’t know how to do yet is “hard.” Then we learn, and it’s not hard.

The work of Byron Katie leads us back to the one person who can make us happy or unhappy--- ourselves. It does this by suggesting that we:

Judge our neighbor.
Write it down.
Ask four questions.
Turn it around.

Today’s work/ game / play/ learning is this: notice all our thoughts that are of the ilk, “So and so should be different.”

Write these –in one sentence form -- down on paper, with either a should or a shouldn’t in the sentence. Like “X should be nicer to me.” “Z shouldn’t be so angry at me.” “T shouldn’t ignore me.” “My Mother/ Father/ Brother sister should have…”

Write them down. This is judging. This is writing it down.

And ask the first question after you write it down: Is it true?

Don’t get to fancy, and work at opening your heart and mind to this distinction: true vs. an opinion. If I hold out a rock and let it go, my opinion makes no difference in the truth of gravity. If I have the opinion that X should be nicer to me, that is not the same kind of truth. It’s what I want. Other people (besides X) might agree. But that doesn’t make it true.

Spend the day noticing your thoughts that want others to be different, write down the sentences and ask: Is it true?

building love, 10 minutes at a time

how get clearer with someone you love:

they talk,
you listen
no interruption
four minutes
listen, really listen, don't "plan" what to say

they stop
a timer goes off say

a minute or so:
silence

next talk,
you talk,
they listen,
you talk about you're important
places,
your loves and likes
and anything
but about what they said
anything
but about them

two people,
in their own business

building love

can you absolutely?

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

that's
it

that's
question number two
of the Byron Katie work:

CAN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT THIS THOUGHT IS TRUE?


What thought?

The "should" thought.
The "shouldn't" thought.
The so and so is such a way, thought (with the implication: they
shouldn't
be)
And so on.

The work is about getting our hearts
free
from the mind's insistence on
being right.

We have these thoughts.
We are so sure they are right.

"Dad shouldn't have done..."
"Ma should have ...."
"The wife should..."
"The husband shouldn't..."
"My children should..."

And so on.

If after the first question,
we aren't clear that we are in the land
of opinion
instead of the land of truth,
then the second question,
"Can I absolutely know that this thought is true,"
gives us another go at
our conviction
that we are just so right,
just so righteously,
totally and completely
the one
who says:
this is the truth.

So,

we now have two of the four questions:

One: Is it true?

Two: Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?

Two more to go.

Good.

Is it true? The Work of Byron Katie, 1st Question

The Work of Byron Katie
is an amazing system
for helping us
get out of the unhappinesses
we occasionally carved
for ourselves.

It goes like this:
Judge Your Neighbor
Write it Down
Ask Four Questions
Turn it Around


the questions are:
Is it True?
Can I absolutely know it's true?
How do I react and what do I do
when I attach to believing the thought?
Who or what would I be without the thought?

So, let's start with the first:

IS IT TRUE?

This is a very kickass question,
though
the temptation
to say
yes
to various thoughts like,
"So and so should have listened to me better."

"So and so should support me more."

"So and so should answer my phone calls."

"So and so shouldn't call me so much."

"So and so should like me better/ treat me better/ respect me more, ..."

and so on.

We feel they are true, yes.

And we could get other people to agree,
which creates a weird gossip level truth:
if five other people can agree that your
mate is a bastard/ bitch,
then it must be true.

And so
sorry,
but the Work of Byron Katie
like any real work,
is about truth,
not social opinion.

So true,
means
true
like gravity is true.

All my friends can disagree
with gravity,
and it will still pull the rock
to the ground when I let go.

So Is it true?
Means, is it true like gravity is true?

And even clearer
and more bracing way to put it,
is,
"Is it true like gravity is true,
or is it true like Chris Elms (fill in your own name)
is true?"

This is a whole other discussion,
but that name
and a whole series of images and ideas
I have around
it,
that's not "me."

So to ask the question
like that
gives it at least double
the kick.

Hmmm.
what a kick.

Not eating dinner

Not eating dinner seemed like a great idea
at six thirty

but now
at nine thirty
i'm way hungry

is that true?
apparently.

can i absolutely know that's true?
hmmm.

when i attach to the belief:
this is too hard,
i'm going to starve
or hurt myself,
or deprive myself
or miss out on something

without the story:
amused that the stomach
can be such a big shot
in my life
amused at these sensations

in love with myself
and life