the failure of arguing

ah
la, la, la, la:

the failure of arguing:

arguing is dumb and brutal
and
most of us
know that
and most of us fall for it
now and then

or often

who knows,
sometimes some
of us
are slow learners

anyway:

here's how an argument goes

each Side thinks:
"I am right, the other is wrong."

each Side believes,
fervently:
"I am reasonable, the other is unreasonable."

each Side almost always
interrupts the other
when they are speaking and doesn't notice
and
is deeply offended when the interrupting
goes the other way

each Side likes to paint
the other as psychologically wounded,
depraved, weird childhood, lousy heart,
bad patterns
whatever:
you know the drift:
"The other one is unreasonable and wrong
because they are f....d up."

each Side likes to forget
their own unreasonableness and
patterns of misusing themselves and others

each Side wants the other
to
"Listen"
which means, really
to
agree

and doesn't want to "Listen/ agree" with the other

both sides emerge
from the fracas
weary
and sure
that "If the other would just..."
then this weariness, annoyance, sadness, anger
would
not exist in the world

which is to say:
when we argue
we get to be at our worst
as far as making others
the cause of our inner suffering

la,
la

what
a mess

I got into one
of these
recently:

not proud of me


oh, yeah, one
more grim
cost/ habit in the arguing game:

the usual post argument route
is this:
find so-called Friends
to agree with the
fundamental premise of the
argument,
the "I am right and the other is wrong."

Get friends to chime along,
"Oh, yes, you were soooo right,
the other is soooo wrong."

Feel righteous.

Get nowhere.


And: can the human race
be saved.

If we can lift above this level.
Somehow.

So, my part:
see how I blew it.
Let the other side be right
instead of wrong.

Love the other side
rather than the usual demean, find flaws,
find people to agree with me,
be Right,
blah, blah, blah.

Can I do that?

Yes.

Can we all do that?

Yes, we can.