Love in the winter

When I look over yesterday's essay I realize
that most people might
not be willing to make the effort to figure that X stuff through.

                   

And that's fine
or tragic
or just the way it is.

So, I'll go over it again, because in a way,
what I said was of grand possible use to anyone who is
struggling with one of life's perpetual problems:
the imperfections in others.


Say, we have a friend, co worker, lover, parents, child
who does something we don't like.

Let's say that they
"Don't appreciate us enough."

Is that a grand complaint that most of us have had at one time or other?

Yes.

So, here's love as a series of actions
that we can chose between rather than a "feeling"
which is either there (when they "appreciate" us enough)
or not there (when they don't adore us, basically)

Okay: here's our options:

they "Don't appreciate us enough.

1. get mad and go away

2. complain to them and demand they change

3. complain to our friends

4. complain to our diary

(note that in all of these, we are busy not appreciating them)

5. wonder if something is bothering them

6. wonder who we would be if we appreciated them more

7. notice who we would be if we appreciated ourselves more

8. discover who they would be to us if we just looked at or
remembered seeing them in the present, wordless moment,
no words in our head,
what would we see

9. experience what love would be like
for them
if we were interested in only this moment

10. realized that in this moment
the power of life
is as if we are deeply loving
ourselves

11. expanded our appreciation of our
sometimes lack of appreciation

12. got a sense of humor about how we often do
just what we are complaining about

13. think of ways to shift back and forth from
appreciation to non appreciation to appreciation
and
feel
which feels better

14. and notice how we do that

15. and come to realize more and more
that
love is an action

not a feeling

ciao

chris