THREE: EMOTIONAL WAKING UP
Be angry but do not sin.
This is from the Bible, which I don’t read, except sporadically, but when I’m visiting Gunnison, Colorado, I go to the church of my host, my old high school buddy, Mark Ritter. And in one of the reading today, from Ephesians 2:26, was this bit of pleasant and useful wisdom:
BE ANGRY, BUT DO NOT SIN. DO NOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER.
What does this mean?
Somehow this invites us to be real, since human beings all get angry, and to distinguish between having and feeling and even being a little or a lot shaken up by our anger and acting it out.
Distinctions.
That’s the basis of upgrading ourselves, via learning, via the brain, via making real connections: learning differences that make a difference.
Be angry: feel it.
Do not sin: don’t punch another, swear at another, use the “tone” on another. Don’t even gossip behind the other’s back.
Just be angry, and if you want, find our where that really came from. And guess what: not expressing it and acting it out, keeping it inside ourselves gives a hugely better chance that we’ll wise up and discover what is really bothering us
Later the Work of Byron Katie will be offered as part of our 108 days feast of opening to an aware and happy and useful life.
For now though, today’s work, part one, is the feel our anger and annoyance, and not act it out. Even in our heads, even the going over and over and over about how wrong/ bad/ stupid/ inconsiderate/ etc. the other was.
Just feel the burning.
BE ANGRY BUT DO NOT SIN.
It could mean being curious about what is bothering that other person.
It could mean simply (simply!) coming back to the present of sensing arms and legs and spine and breathing and feeling / sensing what the anger “does” to us physically. (The quotes are to imply, we could more honest say: “What we do to ourselves by believing the thoughts that make us angry.” More on thoughts and anger/ upset/ emotional pain when we come to the work of Byron Katie).
For now: don’t be too good. Admit, feel, taste our own anger.
Be wise and don’t act on the anger.
And the second part of today’s awareness and waking and transformation project:
DO NOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER.
If you live with someone, before you go to sleep, get clear with them so you don’t even have the anger any more.
How to do that?
Lots of ways. We’ll start with this: ask, without demanding, for what you want. “I wish you’d talk in a nicer tone of voice to me.” “I wish you’d spend more time with me.”
No complaining.
No attacking.
No demanding. (The difference between request and demand is huge in a relationship and will be the game/ exercise all on it’s own some day down the line.)
Just ask.
Think about this, and practice ending your day clear and no longer angry today.
This is a big lesson: first, to distinguish between anger and not acting on it, and two: to let the angry rest before you get into bed and sleep. There are certain religious communities that set out to be truly Christian, not just word Christian, and this is one of their main practices: to clear up all anger toward anyone else in the community before they go to sleep at night.
Labels: anger, emotional suffering, feeling vs acting on feeling, freedom, happiness, love is an action
