Day 54: Nice vs. Kind

Real vs. “nice”, or something like that

To be nice. Ah, we all like “nice” people, and tons of “being nice” has to do with pleasing other people, which has a lot of do with socially arranged parameters of what other people “require” to keep their comfortable “sleep” going.

All this is conceptual frame-working on my part. Search around and see if there’s any truth in there for you.


For starters, though, let’s try some distinctions: Nice vs. Kind. Kind means of “kin,” which means treating people like family, assuming the family is a good one. Sometimes being “kind” can seem “un-nice,” as by saying, “I love you and no.” No, you can’t borrow the car. No, you can’t have the money. No, you can’t keep trashing the living room.


Let’s try another. “Nice” vs. being present. In the present we might notice someone isn’t feeling well, and try to make their day better. That could be “nice.” We might also notice that they are trying to manipulate us and work to be both kind and not manipulated.

We might notice, “This person is really acting weird,” and ask, “What’s going on? Something seems to be really bothering you?”

Being “nice,” might mean hiding this. Being kind might mean trying to find what’s bothering them.

And being present might be just being curious: what’s going on here? Is my guess correct about outer reality?

Being present might be looking at the person and seeing an unhappiness.

Being present might be realizing that when we are present, we are relatively happy. We don’t have to drown, or to feel like drowning, or to even “feel bad” about another person drowning, to save them, to be of use.

Play with these ideas today. See what present centered kindness is like for you. Be kind to yourself all day, too!

The Turn Around, or Chris and Marlie: two dumb dumbs

so
the turn around
is always a shock

(( turn around?
as in
the Work of Byron Katie:
Judge your neighbor,
Write it down,
Ask four questions,
Turn it around;


and what are the 4 questions?:
the questions are:
Is it True?
Can I absolutely know it's true?
How do I react and what do I do
when I attach to believing the thought?
Who or what would I be without the thought?)




ah yes,
so,
the turn around is
always a shock
and a delight
and a pathway
into freedom
and humility
and sometimes
to humor

a thought:
"So and so should listen to me more,"
goes to "I should listen to so and so more,"
and
"I should listen to me more."

So,
"Marlie shouldn't leave me"

Turns around to

"I shouldn't leave me"

and

"I shouldn't leave Marlie."

one at
a
time

"I shouldn't leave me"
means
I shouldn't abandon loving myself,
liking myself,
being kind to myself,
shouldn't get into feeling I'm a failure
and attacking myself
or
abandon myself by getting into
attacking
(in my mind, or with my mouth)
Marlie, or my mother, say
for teaching me so habits
that make me not the greatest person
to live with sometimes

not abandon myself
means
be present
now
and
now
and
now


Two
"I shouldn't leave Marlie."

and yes, there are big parts of this
separation that come from me
wanting it

I could do the work on "I shouldn't leave Marlie"
and see if that is true, and so on.

Because in a total way
this is a two way deal,
and this morning I just came to a clear
formulation of it.

Like this:

Marlie wants me to be a nicer person.

Cool.
And unfortunately,
when she goes about trying to "fix"
this in me,
she is not nice,
but instead mean and unmindful.

I am want Marlie to be more dedicated to mindfulness.

Cool.
And unfortunately,
when I go about trying to "fix"
this in her,
I am not mindful,
but instead mean and unmindful.

Two dumb
dumbs
slogging it
out,
and
giving up
on the slog.

We shouldn't give up.
Is that true?

Not if she wants to now,
that's her life.

My life is to love her in her wish,
and to stay as mindful
and kind
to her
and myself
as we go about this.

Work?

Yeah.

Good, sweet,
amazing work, that burns out what
needs to be cleared.