Day Twenty-Five: Life with less "have to"

How much do we “have to” get done in a day? How much of that can we do, for the sake of doing and the practice of being present and cheerful as we go about anything. Go about everything.

This moment fades, glides, washes, flows into the next. One word follows another in this book. One breath follows the next in our life.

Our attention wavers, sometimes now, sometimes not.

One thing that happens is that the “have to” voice pops up, telling us that we “have to” do something. “Have to” get the dishes done, “have to” go to work, “have to” attend that meeting you said you’d attend.

And does that voice help?

I don’t know.

Why don’t we explore today: how do we go from one activity to the next? Do we start stewing and planning activity C before we are done with B? And in this tensing up and rehearsing ahead of time, losing our ability to be present during B? And then when C comes, to which we rush from B, often not noticing the transition, the journey, the time in between. We get to C and once there we are not quite there. We focus on C only so long, and begin to think about and feel the “have to” of D coming along, which tightens us up to quickly finish C. So now we have double trouble, maybe triple: we “have to” get C over, we “have to” worry about getting to and doing D, and we “have to” do D, if we don’t have nervous breakdown before we get there.

Ah, well. The usual human mess.

And how about today, watching the “have to” voice and experimenting with “just doing” whatever it is we do.

And experiment with short spaces of empty time, not in rush, not in transition, not “thinking about/ worrying about” the next thing, just an empty minute or two between activities. What will happen? Let’s find out.

Good.

Day 60: Life on its own terms, or Shut up and listen, or "Silence" as the path to....

What if we listened without an agenda?

In Quaker services, which I have never attended, people sit in silence until the “spirit” moves them, and then, from the “spirit” people say what needs to be said.

This seems like a good path to God., or to enlightenment, if there is such a thing.


A good path to speaking something worth saying.


So often when we speak, we are full, full of our previous ideas, full of our thoughts, full of ourselves in the this is me-me-me sense.

Not full of ourselves in the full of life sense.

Not full of life and gratitude and wonder, a wonder that is falling open to the next minute because this minute, this moment is so full with our present-ness.


And God: what if this is a fancy word for the state we reach when we come to something like an emptiness, something like a silence, and let the fullness of Life fill us up?


So, enough words. The experience is what we are after. Today, come back to the five lines, the arms, the legs, the spine.

Come back to light coming in our eyes.

Sounds coming in our ears. Can these include some sounds of nature, the birds, the waters, the trees in the breeze, our footsteps taking a walk outdoors?

Coming back to the world before we have words to capture and constrain it.

Just our experience of the present.

Can we feast on our life, and Life in general, in that silence and that fullness of the world as experience without words to wrap around it? Let’s give it a go.

How much silence can we feast on today?

Day Twenty-five, What if we didn't "Have to..."

DAY TWENTY-FIVE
What if we didn’t “have to”?

We sometimes go through our days, one event / job/ tasks to the next, all propelled forward by what we “have to” do next. It sometimes seems that half the time at least, we are lost from the present in what we are doing because as we near the end of one “have to” activity, we focus inside on “getting to” and then “how are we going to do it” about the next “have to” activity.

This is pretty easily seen for the missing out on the present it is, but in today’s aim, I’d like us to focus also on the burden of the “have to” that is lurking in our feelings all day.

What would we be like if we “just” did thing, or didn’t do things, without the nagging, or reminding, or persistent voice of this is what we “have to” do.

This writing now. I’m setting out to do so much today. I could be doing it to get rid of the “have to” voice that was coming up earlier. Then I realized that I could just write and let that voice be silent. Maybe I “had to” do this writing to fulfill a goal I’d set for myself. Maybe I didn’t.

All that seemed like a waste of energy as I was getting in a car to drive in the rain. I could leave the voice behind and just get into the car, sense myself on the seat, follow my breathing.

And now I’m writing.

Feels such and such in my arms and legs and spine.

Maybe I have to do it, maybe I don’t. The Universe will get along just fine if I don’t, and I’m enjoying do it, and what can you feel in yourself right now.

And what if, after you’ve read this chapter and imagined a day without the “have to “ voice inside, you took a little “rest” after reading this chapter. A little pause where you “did nothing” and didn’t think about what you “have to” do next, or “have to” do today. You just sat, or stood, or walked, or lay down, or lay down and moved around. Then you got up and discovered yourself doing what you did next. Have that day.

this mess

kufe
is not a word

life is
and if you shift
your fingers
one notch to the right
life
turns
into
kufe

so be
it


moving is
if i believe my story:
impossible

so i'd just better stick
with now
and this moment
and be happy to
be awake
and aware

and full of love
and we'll see what happens

---

anyone who wants to help
for any hour or
two

la
la

that would be a nice
chance
to meditate
and move
and be aware
and share
a little air
and time
and smiles
with some
other good
people

'Til death do us part

some marriages
and vow is kept:
'til death do us part

others
this is forgotten
too painful
or in the way
of whatever is next

and yet
one marriage
and this vow
will always hold strong and true:

our marriage to our life

when it ends
the vow ends

and if there is "something"
on the other side
of the body's end,
then the vow stays:
and we aren't parted

the something keeps
going
and the vow
is just fine

nice