The Importance of Living

I was going to write some serious
and exploratory thing about Relationships beyond Ownership
but to hell with it.

Since I don't know about that,
but I do know about this,
I'll write about this.

This = the importance of living.

I happen to be weird and very lucky.


I think death is great.

You are born.
You live.
You die.

Three miracles in a row,
and always in that order.

So glorious,
and death is the wild card, eh,
the sweet lover who says:
get it now,
because now is all you can count on.

And what is it to get
now.

Life.
Get it that we are alive
in this glorious moment.

And this one, too.

And the universe is big.

And there may be others out
there
and there may be angels and fairies
and qoozies and woozies
but in this neighborhood
there are people and plants and trees and a creek and some
air
and some sky
and a bunch of cars
and some bridges
and it's just so f...ing
glorious

So, there you go,
Texas after a rain we've been waiting
for the last three months:
it'll bring the lover and the liver
out in us all,
and
then again:
no matter how shitty the day
our mood
the circumstances,
we are in the middle
of the great

born
live
die

cycle.

that's important.

you can have your miracle
and sense love and live it too

good

Taxes are taxing, death is relaxing, love is everlasting

taxes come
taxes go

the time of year
so near my birthday

and we can be taxed
or vexed
or tweeked
or rushed

or just sit down
and do
what we have to do
and follow our breathing
and look out the window at the birds
and take a walk
in now
(see my book, for many a "soul" chapter
in "walking in the now")
and remember:

we are alive
now
no matter what rigmarole life
is seeming to require of us

and then
we die

which,
with a story
can seem sad
scary
unfair
weird
whatever

and without the story:
it could be like going to sleep
at night

the hurry and worry and rush
and demands
all disappear

and the Sufi's
say: die before you die

have that death to the worrier
and the controller of others
and the unhappy one

have the death to stress
and trying to hard
and even
to being bored

die to the "later it will be time
to be happy"
and
just be happy now

on the way
to whatever is next

and when we do the Work of Byron Katie
and judge our neighbors
write it down
ask four questions
and turn it around

that turns into a little death:

the death of :
"so and so should have been better/ different/ more
the way I I I I me me me wanted"
and what's left after that?

freedom
love
release

love can be what's left when we
"die"
to the stories about how x and y and z
should be different

and we can improve
that's what huge amounts of my work is about

but let's love ourselves along the way

and working with the children:
love them exactly as they are
so we can be there with them
as they discover
as we help them discover
what can be next in their skills
and increased
love of life

and how does that incease?
noticing more

noticing more differences

noticing more of the glory of life
to be in love with

helping the children
to love more of themselves
and more
of life

what a nice job

what a nice job for anyone

helping ourselves and others
to love
life
more

good

happy April

Chris

Day Twenty-Nine: What to Leave Behind: Part of "me" or all of "me"

Any change means a small or large death. Any deep change can almost feel like a death to the “me” personality behind which we hide, sometimes from others, sometimes from life, always from our really self.

Inside us is a beautiful and real part. Call it your Self, call it the innocent one, call it our awareness, call it God, or the Child of God. It is without a name.

Names are what we call each other, in both senses of that phrase. But who we all are is deeper and quieter than all that.

And sometimes the world gets too heavy with us, and we suffer and to leave that suffering behind seems like the hardest thing in the world.

Strange, because it would seem that suffering is what we would most prefer to give up. Sure, if we could give it up and stay just the same. If we could give it up, and not, as Jesus asked the rich man, “give up our possessions.” In this case, the possessions are our fixed ideas and almost always the bitter and killing us conviction that we are Right.

We are Right, and until the world shapes up, we are going to keep being Right, and even if that causes immense suffering, we’d rather be right than happy. Often. Not always.

And when we let go of that “right-ness” that “so and so done me wrong” it is like a little death.

And on the other side of that death: resurrection into love.

First we are angry/ hurt/ resentful/ bitter because “so and so did us wrong.” Maybe we do the work of Byron Katie, and see, notice, feel, understand the difference at question #3: Who are we and how do we feel and live and react when we attach to the thought that “so and so done me wrong”

That questions makes life one way. Questions #4: Who would we be without the story that “so and so done me wrong”? creates a whole new person.

Or rather liberates that real shining clear happy and loving self that is our Self.

But on the way, it can feel like a death to let go of the attachment to our belief. Death, death, death, scary, scary, scary and then we do it, and the old crusty worthless judge dies away, and we are reborn.

So today, die before you die, as many times as you can and be reborn each time closer and closer to who you really are.

Good.

love and death

we all die
the day dies
the year dies
even trees that live forever and ever
almost
die

and so:
what's the solution:
let each moment
die
and
wake to the rising sun
of each
new
now

and wow

wow

now
is
always
new

and we don't have to
think bout that

just experience
this
and it's who you
really
are


good

love,
me
isn't me

when i'm loving

don't think
about that
either

Year's end, lives end, frost cometh

variously
and
endlessly
things change

this is good
if you are surfing the now

troubling
if
not

love
and surfing
the now

can be confused

one of the few
confusions worth
allowing and expanding

Getting Along Better

sleeping outdoors, with a friend, under stars: nice


if you knew that your partner
was
going to die
in the next four months,
you'd probably treat them considerably better,
right?

and vice-versa:
if they knew you were going to die,
the taking for granted
and pettiness of most relationship
life,
to say nothing of manuevering for
control
that could fade way to the background

and here's a way
we often
or, to be honest,
almost always,
forget to look at things:

my partner is going to die
I'm going to die

ah,
my

and then, we put that
off into
the
"not soon,"
"not us,"
"I've got other issues to steam in"
wastebin of ordinary existence

Well, good news
around here:

Marlie and I,
knowing that we are parting on the first of February,
have taken sweet steps
back toward appreciating each
other more or less
full time,
supporting,
listening,
learning,
loving

it's not so
bad

it's great, in a way:
and a reminder:
we could have been this way
all
the time

and we weren't


and even if we were always kind,
there were differences,
and I have been exploring for awhile with her
the idea
that I didn't think we could last full time
(my narrowness?
my vision?
both?
who knows, doesn't matter,
love matters,
not that something "last"
"forever and ever")

and her,
she wants a simpler life,
a her at the center,
not so crowded with another person
around,
especially one with a forceful personality,
setting up "the way"
things should be done

and this,
the forcing my way,
I'm greatly enjoying letting go,
knowing of our death coming up

and I fail sometimes
at this giving
up of boss nonsense
and sometimes
I don't fail

good

and we can joke
now
instead of argue
about our differences
and listen more
about where the other wants to
head

and even,
(so great, this
so sweet)
be of use to each other as we
venture in different directions


not bad,
a mini-death looming

and it's there for all of us,
any relationship
death will come:
one will die, the other will die,
one will say first,
"it's time to go separately,"
or
the other will

and then
we can fight and argue and blame
and garner up "friends"
to "take our side"
(friends is in quotes there,
because though pretend friends
like to try for closeness via the
common enemy route
and "help" (really hurt) a person
think they are "right" in a
"struggle",
these aren't really friends,
they are gossipers,
and soul thieves,
chickens looking for a wounded one to
peck)

that's the normal way:
fight
argue,
be bitter
blame
get the "help" and agreement of false friends

and then
the way of waking:
what sweetness
what mindfulness
what helpfulness can I bring
to the last months
before my death

a good way to go about all
of life,
knowing death could be any moment

hmmm

is this "heavy"
or is thihttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifs freedom

in our reactions one thing,
in reality,
another

good


today at 108 days:
Marlie should stop seeing the sins of my past
in the actions of my present

(and a reminder,
this is the Work of Bryon Katie,
where you look for the remaining judgments,
and deal with them,
you don't pretend you are in unconditional love
until you really
really are:
the amazing wisdom of
Judge Your Neighbor
Write it Down
Ask Four Questions
Turn it Around

it's so easy to stop the work
when things get calm
and pleasant
and my commitment
is to do it to the bottom

ciao,
Chris on Thursday

the glory of death

THE GLORY OF DEATH

this is one of the things you
aren't supposed to
say
right?

OH, WELL

and hey:
in a way,
death is really cool

and what's so cool about it?

it's so clean

it's no bullshit

it's clear
and finished

it's not a halfway thing

to me
falling in love
is like that:
boom,
you are in a different
state

marriage,
hmmm,
is usually a nice game
that may
or may not be real

darn
another thing you probably aren't supposed
to say

oh,
well times 2

and

what's done
is done

(note the number one
guaranteed losing bet:
that the past
be
different
than it
was)




death is
done

the person is gone

and guess what?

you can still love
them

and guess what:
you can have the best talks
you ever wanted with them

get out a pencil
write both sides
maybe you are "hearing their spirit"
maybe you are "making it up"

and what is the "making it up"
other than hearing something
that is in there
was in there
was hidden
was waiting

maybe they didn't even know
and it's there
however wonderful a something
you want to
hear from the gone person
or say
to them

this wonderful thing
was always there
waiting to be said
waiting to be felt
waiting to be shared

it's real

all the wonderful
stuff
is real


is that true?
maybe
.

i don't know
and
it's a nice
story

love
is the key
to a lot
of life
left in the living

love the death
love our grief
love our joy for them
love our incompleteness
love their imperfection
our imperfection
our yearning to have had it "better"

and be
right now
the "better"
we were waiting for
all along

passover

what is passover???

ciao
Chris

'Til death do us part

some marriages
and vow is kept:
'til death do us part

others
this is forgotten
too painful
or in the way
of whatever is next

and yet
one marriage
and this vow
will always hold strong and true:

our marriage to our life

when it ends
the vow ends

and if there is "something"
on the other side
of the body's end,
then the vow stays:
and we aren't parted

the something keeps
going
and the vow
is just fine

nice

Day of the Dead

Every day
some die
some are born

every breath
we are there
or we are not

life
the miracle
why are we so dumb
that sometimes
only death
can
wake us up?


started National November Writing Month
today

last night:
didn't think i could do it
this morning:
thought the same
and then
three pages
and a bit more
testing ideas
and whatnot
and got some clarity:

did 3000 words today,
starts like this:
HUSBAND TROUBLE

“Hello.”
“Hello, yourself.”
“I need help.”
“How would that help look, Elaine?”
“My husband would be nicer?”
“That’s a question or a statement?” asks Karen. Karen’s “office,” the back porch of her house, in nice weather. It was fall, one of those warm Indian summer days in Northern California with the clear skies, and balmy sun that reminded you of spring.
“I want to have a happier marriage. Ronnie doesn’t treat me very well. He’s always gone. And when he’s home he ignores me, or is cranky with me, or critical.”
Karen wonders: an affair, or is he just a dick. Speaking of which, her mate, Phil was….Stop, Karen, you are being paid to pay attention, not to meander.
“Tell me about the cranky part.”
“I don’t like him when he’s cranky. I want to cry. Or scream.”
“Do you ever scream?”
“All the time. I’m a bitch around him, Karen. That’s what I call you, isn’t it?” Karen nods. “He brings out the worst in me. Honestly, I can see why he never comes home, because as soon as he does I start in on him.”
“So he’s not the only cranky one?”
Elaine laughs. Mid-thirties. More dressed up than usual. Who was she trying to impress? This therapist? Herself? Show herself that she was still an attractive woman even though Ronnie didn’t seem to think so. Why is she wasting her time talking about Ronnie. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, the asshole, all she ever does is think about how mad he makes her, and here she is talking about him. But maybe that’s what therapy is all about. what is therapy all about? Feeling better. She wants to feel better.
“I want to feel better.”
Karen nods. Wouldn’t we all, she thinks.



want more
buy the book
when it's done

ciao
chris