Ten: Emotions as actions

Emotions, viewed as actions, are something we can vary, and in this variation become free of long time stuck reactions and misery.

Say someone, some X ( either an ex-partner, friend, or just some other person we’ll call X), does something Y. And we react in a usual way, Z.

X does Y and out of our emotional machine box comes Z.

So and so gives us a mean little comment and we feel ‘hurt,” say.

Okay, we might take that as a given.

Later, we’ll look deeply into the work of Byron Katie as a way out of slavery to our habitual reactions.

And for today, since we just looked at “acture” as the use of ourselves in actions, let’s look at emotions as if they were an action.

Say we go to “hurt.” Okay, that’s our default. Now, just to begin to broad the scope of how we react, can we stand up and feel our “hurt?”

What if we stand and see what happens if we put the weight on our right foot as we feel our “hurt.” The left foot.

If we think of the person.

If we look at what’s really here, now.

If we follow our breathing while we feel “hurt?”

If we sense our five lines while we feel “hurt?”


And now for the deeper variations:

What if we think, hmmm, I’m making this action of “hurt” and if so, how long would I like to feel it? One minute? Four minutes? Ten minutes?

And since I’m doing it, do I want a little bit of hurt, a medium amount, a big chunk.

And then blending these two: big hurt for 10 seconds. Little hurt for two days.

Just to think it’s something we get to chose starts to do wonders.


And now even deeper.

If “hurt” is one action, what if we try other Z’s to the equation, X does Y and we react (which means act, but they start it rolling) with Z.

What if they do Y, and we get curious?

Angry?

Afraid?

Happy?

Compassionate?

Amused?

Loving?

Bored?

Happy?


Some of these actions are obviously farther from our available repertoire than others. So be it. The trying and the experimenting and going slow and gentle with ourselves is the game.

For today.

For life.

This could be a whole book, a whole life. Let’s see how today goes as a start.

New Year, New Chances to Love

New Year, New Chances to Love


new chances to love our fingers
as they raise the tea cups to our lips

new chances to love our lips
as they kiss our friends

new chances to love our friends
even when they forget to be friendly

new chances to love ourselves
when we forget to be friendly
to ourselves

new chances to love
discovering how to make more
and more people
a recipient of our love
or liking
or enjoying
or giving them
just plain old wonderful
sweet now
is now
is now
is now
attention

more and more
people
including our
so called selves

good

Love Is

bee on salvia, falltime business that makes sense of life

Love is

kind of hard:
have to die to old
habits
of wanting the "other guy"
to shape up


Love is

Kind of Easy:
just going quiet
and seeing what's out
there
without a story,
we can't help but love
whatever it is


Love is

kind of hard,
we love our stories so much
and if we "try" to get rid
of our stories,
and fail,
we can get mad at the idea of the effort
or the other person that we have the story
about:
if they would just love us more/ shape up,
then we could love

Love is

Kind of kind
Kin, as root of kind,
real kin,
we are one kind of kin,
not family squabble bullshit


Love is

kind of hard,
we are so busy,
and other people won't get
with the program
and who has time to
like, let alone love, others,
who don't realize how wonderful we
are


Love is

Kind of easy:
when we come to the moment
or let nature bring us to the moment
or moving with awareness bring us to the moment
or going quiet bring us to the moment

slowing down,
the problems rush away,
and we are just left
with nothing,

the nothing of Who We Are
(caps)
Love

Getting Along Better

sleeping outdoors, with a friend, under stars: nice


if you knew that your partner
was
going to die
in the next four months,
you'd probably treat them considerably better,
right?

and vice-versa:
if they knew you were going to die,
the taking for granted
and pettiness of most relationship
life,
to say nothing of manuevering for
control
that could fade way to the background

and here's a way
we often
or, to be honest,
almost always,
forget to look at things:

my partner is going to die
I'm going to die

ah,
my

and then, we put that
off into
the
"not soon,"
"not us,"
"I've got other issues to steam in"
wastebin of ordinary existence

Well, good news
around here:

Marlie and I,
knowing that we are parting on the first of February,
have taken sweet steps
back toward appreciating each
other more or less
full time,
supporting,
listening,
learning,
loving

it's not so
bad

it's great, in a way:
and a reminder:
we could have been this way
all
the time

and we weren't


and even if we were always kind,
there were differences,
and I have been exploring for awhile with her
the idea
that I didn't think we could last full time
(my narrowness?
my vision?
both?
who knows, doesn't matter,
love matters,
not that something "last"
"forever and ever")

and her,
she wants a simpler life,
a her at the center,
not so crowded with another person
around,
especially one with a forceful personality,
setting up "the way"
things should be done

and this,
the forcing my way,
I'm greatly enjoying letting go,
knowing of our death coming up

and I fail sometimes
at this giving
up of boss nonsense
and sometimes
I don't fail

good

and we can joke
now
instead of argue
about our differences
and listen more
about where the other wants to
head

and even,
(so great, this
so sweet)
be of use to each other as we
venture in different directions


not bad,
a mini-death looming

and it's there for all of us,
any relationship
death will come:
one will die, the other will die,
one will say first,
"it's time to go separately,"
or
the other will

and then
we can fight and argue and blame
and garner up "friends"
to "take our side"
(friends is in quotes there,
because though pretend friends
like to try for closeness via the
common enemy route
and "help" (really hurt) a person
think they are "right" in a
"struggle",
these aren't really friends,
they are gossipers,
and soul thieves,
chickens looking for a wounded one to
peck)

that's the normal way:
fight
argue,
be bitter
blame
get the "help" and agreement of false friends

and then
the way of waking:
what sweetness
what mindfulness
what helpfulness can I bring
to the last months
before my death

a good way to go about all
of life,
knowing death could be any moment

hmmm

is this "heavy"
or is thihttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifs freedom

in our reactions one thing,
in reality,
another

good


today at 108 days:
Marlie should stop seeing the sins of my past
in the actions of my present

(and a reminder,
this is the Work of Bryon Katie,
where you look for the remaining judgments,
and deal with them,
you don't pretend you are in unconditional love
until you really
really are:
the amazing wisdom of
Judge Your Neighbor
Write it Down
Ask Four Questions
Turn it Around

it's so easy to stop the work
when things get calm
and pleasant
and my commitment
is to do it to the bottom

ciao,
Chris on Thursday

learning

learning
and
love

if we can be
in one
or
the
other,
we've got a great life

if we're
hanging out in both
we've got
an
amazing life


this is my wish for
you
and
hey, why not?,
this is my wish for me:
an amazing life

....

and so:
learning

yesterday,
in spite of working
quite a bit
on the various
"issues"
my mind
has decided to "struggle"
with,
and having fairly
fine success
in this work
since i was doing the
grand
and glorious Work of Byron Katie,
I found myself
a bit depressed
as I was
driving down
for a supervision / advanced
class in the
Anat Baniel Method

and getting there a bit
late
I got thrown right into the lesson:

sit on a chair,
put the left ankle on the right knee,
hold the left foot with the right hand
and the left knee with the left hand
and come from sitting
to standing

this is fun
and in my funk
I couldn't quite do this

which was good

because then when we got to
the floor
and did this and that
for the wonderful neurological
upgrading that happens when
you do the Feldenkrais work
or the Anat Baniel Method work

and the upgrading
which is about learning
and
realizing ways of connecting I'd forgotten
and
expanding my options
and
softening parts of me that were interfering by overworking
and
coming to the sweetness
of now
and the sweetness
of
learning

and double rainbow:
learning takes place
and when
we go back to the chair,
I can stand with one leg folded up
as described above
and

that other rainbow:
no more depression

life is
always
fun
when we are learning

(and even if John McCain
is trying to ruin
the word "fun"
by describing his campaign
as fun,
since maybe lying and being
in a completely delusional world
is fun
still
fun
is a good sign we are doing
something right,
especially if it isn't the jump
up and down
and thrash around fun
many confuse
with fun)

la
la

my and my opinions

oh,
well