a touching experiment: slow down and touch, take turns

This posting Also to be found in http://PoemsFromNow.com, with many others on love, sex, communication, and movement
and being present
and
slowing
down....


Anything in life can be improved
by
being present

many a disaster can be forestalled or
avoided
by being present

many/ all messes can be cleared up
by slowing down
and
becoming present

today,
we're back to the touching before dinner

ten minutes of making out
or
some
sort of sex

we'll let the sex be up in the air
for awhile

while you practice slowing down
and taking turns

taking turns,
almost like the communication

well,
exactly like the communication
but without any words

you might want to spend more than ten minutes with this

get your trusty timer

one of you lie down
and close your eyes

the other is to touch you
slowly
not in the genitals,
and yes
anywhere else
and everywhere else in your body

for the first day,
don't make any requests if you are the receiver while you are receiving

play like this:

first turn:

one touches,
the other feels

the timer goes off

the other one touches,
the other feels

second turn:

no words of wishing anything different in the first round,
but before each touching turn,
the receiver is to ask:

here is how I'd like to be touched ( firm, soft, tight, gentle, fast, slow, big movements, little movements) and here is where I'd like it to be concentrated

the toucher can honor that, or not

it seems kind of silly not to,
but really, a request has to be really open
if it's truly a request

after,
just a thank you,
no evaluation

and then swap around


third turn:
make a request before you receive, and for sure make in a different request,
different place
different modes of speed, pressure, length

And then
as many turns as you want,
keep going back and forth,

and each time ask for a new place
and a new set of operating procedures

....
we get into such ruts
in sex
and
in life

and we ask so rarely for what we want

and we are so worried that if we finally get on a good grove,
going anywhere else will blow the whole scene apart

touch is talking
receiving touch is listening

have the final turn,
if you wish,
no requests,
but just let the toucher be trying to tell the receiver
something

let the communication be quite
and skin level

see what happens
feel what happens

don't talk for awhile after this,
so if this is to be combined with a talking session before dinner,
do the talking session first
good

Eating from Wakefulness, the new chapter 12 in the book

The tongue has the biggest representation in our brains compared to its size in our body.
Why?
Eating.
Talking.

And, guess what? If you are in the mood to “wake up” in the enlightenment sense, and are on the pathway to being present and aware at every moment, you might or might not have noticed that these two times are times when we often go back to “sleep.”

So here is today’s game, so simple and so deep and so off the normal track as to appear almost impossible.

And in the words of Moshe Feldenrkais, the goal of an amazing life is to “make the impossible, possible; to make the possible easy; to make the easy elegant or pleasurable, or both.”
The end is a bit of a paraphrase.
Oh, well.

Eating.

Look at your food as your prepare it. Find your feet on the ground, and your eyes bringing in light and images, your fingers touching the food, your breath coming in and out.

Notice your arms and legs and spine.

Breathe.

Prepare your food so that it looks and smells good to you.

Sit somewhere that is conducive to feeding yoru body, and your heart and your spirit.

Sit up somewhat straight.

Take three breaths before you take a bite. If you live with other people, hold hands with your eyes close for many breathes, and then look around at each person before letting go. Maybe say something meaningful to you. Listen to what anyone else has to say.

Before the first bite, follow three breaths.

After the bit, put down the eating tool, or the bowl or the cup. Down, hands free.

Chew and savor and taste.

Take a breath when the food is “gone.”

Then pick up the eating tool, cup or bowl, and resume, one more bit, again setting this down while you chew and savor.

If others are there are you going to talk?

I don’t know.

Find out, and if you do, see if you can put attention all on eating and then all on listening and/ or talking, but make them separate.

Make the attempt.

Slowness and awareness will feed something deep in you.

Try it and feel, see, experience;

Good.

The book can be purchased over the internet as
a pdf that I'll email you.

You pay pay pal, they email me,
I email you your pdf.
You can print it up,
or read it off the computer.

This unique collection
of 108 games/ actions/ learning practices
costs
$54
fifty cents a game.
Do one activity a day for ten days
and the book will have paid for itself.

108 Paths to Awakening: $54

Move, Feel, Think, "soul"

LOW COST OPTION:
This book is about changing your life
by doing AT LEAST ONE NEW ACTION A DAY
do this
and see if it changes your life.
Meanwhile, here's the honor roll book.
Pay $27 now
and after the 108 games you feel so transformed
you feel like buying it again, go right ahead.
For now: get involved.
Do 1 a day,
or even better four: moving, emotional learning, thinking and "soul"
Change makes for change.
Have fun.
Wake up.
Meanwhile, I'll send you the pdf.

$27 Honor Roll Low Cost Book

Here's the struggling and wanting to transform option:

108 Wakings for $13

And here's the full fair fare,
go for it,
you are this valuable,
signal your value to both you and me:

108 Wakings for $108

Unhappiness as a huge clue to choosing happiness

Choosing Happiness.

This is a trick.

Go through your day paying attention to whether or not you are happy.

If you are happy, keep your attention on the present and enjoying and deepening your experience of the present.

If you are not happy, think of this as a chance to see if you are in the present or not.

Most likely you are not.

Most likely there is a thought/ belief/ worry/ opinion/ idea you are believing.

Chose to bring your attention out of the thought/ story/ belief back into the present.

Not to be happy.

Just to be present.


See if this is not actually an easier way of “choosing happiness” than any old fashioned “pursuit of happiness.”

Repeat: just use unhappiness as a huge clue: I’m not present now.

“Just!”


This is like saying: your life could be totally free and different by reacting to unhappiness not as something to escape, but as a clue, one huge banging you over the head clue, that you aren’t being present.

A wake up call, as it were.

So unhappiness, too, is a gift to our life.

Good.


Here's a link to the page
that tells about the book,
and has the entire 108 section
table of contents.

If you'd like to order the book
here's the pay pal
thing:

108 Paths to Awakening

4 Brain Transformation

110: The way we go emotionally: what gets it going?

We have thoughts. Which way do they point us?

This book will wander through “body,” “emotional learning,” “thinking” and “soul,” as did the Tao of Now, the first 108 day foray into getting “closer” to the now of reality and happiness and our true self. And here we are on day two, and even though the section says “emotional learning,” today’s game has partially to do with our “thinking.”.

Like this: the idea/ game/ suggestion is that we watch our thoughts today, and see if we can discover two different kinds of thinking, with two very different results in our emotional well-being. It appears as if some thoughts lead us toward happiness and other thoughts lead us to unhappiness.

Can you notice three things today:

One: the shape of your spine.

Two: if you are having a thought.

Three: if that thought is leading you toward happiness or unhappiness.

This can be wonderfully useful, having attention in our body and on our emotional inclination and aware of the thoughts as they come and go.

It’s almost as if we are capturing a huge swath, right here, of being human: to feel as sensation, to feel as emotion, to have “thoughts.”

Enjoy being such a rich an amazing being.

To be fully alive, Day Twenty Eight

We can torture ourselves to live up to some standard of “being good.” We can look inside and love ourselves and look outside and at least enjoy the people around us, and from a sense of being “Fully Alive,” we can treat them in ways that make us and them happy.

the porpoise of Life
Chris Elms, March 31, 2010


The porpoise of
Life is to
Live

Not to be good
Though if you are really stressed
or have an IQ lower than
Body Temperature
Being Good
Will keep you out of
Trouble

But to be
Fully
Alive
go ahead
and make
Mistakes

Just be present enough
To
Look at everyone around you
And
Be happier
When they are happy
And do something in your actions
That creates
Fully aliveness in
You
And
Happiness
in
All

So this is the game today: be present. Present and happy. Sense your arms and legs and spine, without “trying to” be “good,” but just because it’s interesting and feels good. Smile when you breathe out. Look out at other people and make the game of the day to create mutually enjoyable situations.

This is best done, you’ll probably find, be being present and happy and acting from then.

But find out for yourself and enjoy.

79: The listening game, part 1

What did I say? What did you say? The listening game, part 1.

We talk. Other people usually don’t listen, much. Other people talk, and a bit into their talking we are busy “thinking” about what we have to say.

So, words get passed back and forth, and we don’t listen.

So, today, find someone with whom you’d like to improve communication and listen.

Get a person and a timer and set aside 30 to 50 minutes. Breathe. Relax. This is going to improve your life.

At any rate: dive in to the talking and listening as your main emotional learning component today.

Sit down in chairs facing each other, a little bit apart, but fairly close. Smile and breathe together for a bit. Close your eyes and breathe together a little more.

Good.

Now, set the timer, 2, 3 minutes. The other person talks. Listen with as much emptiness inside as you can. Can you be “without the story” as you listen? Can you have no filling up with inner words that you might/ could use to “defend” yourself?

Leave aside “your side,” while listening. Try to deeply feel what they want to say, who they are, how they are, what they want in life, what their frustrations are, how you are getting in the way. Listen, listen.

Then feedback as accurately as possible whatever they said to you. It can be exact words, or close paraphrasing. Leave all interpretation and comments out.

Just tell them as clearly as possible all they said. Then ask if you have missed anything. Then: their turn to listen. See if your speaking “your side” is changing from listening well to them.

They listen. They repeat back and “get it right.”

All day, after this, experiment with how to listen more clearly to others.

DAY THIRTY-ONE: THE SWEETNESS OF LEARNING Talking with awareness

DAY THIRTY-ONE: THE SWEETNESS OF LEARNING
Talking with awareness
This is a biggie.

This is a life changer.

This is a zone where we may not have ever gone.
Good.


Here’s the deal. We come into a state of being present when we stop the talking, when we get silent, when we follow our breathing, or move slowly with awareness, or sense our arms and legs and spine.

We go to a great yoga class, or an Awareness Through Movement class, and get close to a sense of who we are underneath all the words. And then after the class: yammer, yammer, yammer about how great it was to be so present.

And, oh dear, we are not present while we are yammering.


So that’s today’s game: to be present as we talk.

How to do this?

One: sense, as we are making the words in our mouths, some part of our body below the neck. Sense our feet, our legs, our legs and arms and spine, our belly, our rear end. Anything at the same time the words are coming out.

Two: sense the word making game, the using of our tongues and teeth and jaw and throat.

Three: sense the vibration in our throat and chest and head as we speak.

Four: actually listen to our words as we are speaking them.

Five: to look at and really see the person to whom we are speaking these words.


As if we were an actor in a play, except the play is our life, and the character is us, and we have this amazing ability to use language. And we have an even more amazing ability to do this all from an awaring and awake place.

Day Thirty: Down and Dirty, or Not: Being Present, Again, and again and...

DAY THIRTY: DOWN AND DIRTY, OR NOT DIRTY
More exploration of the present

We are all real and amazing at our core.

And yet we can go through our days without any realization of that, so wrapped up are we in the details of doing one thing after another, or having one thought after another, or having one conversation after another.

Whatever we are doing, we could be “there” with ourselves as well as attending to our task.

Sometimes we do that.

Sometimes we don’t.


And so, once again, let’s glory in being present, with this addition: one or more times today, let’s go “outside” and walk and see if we can take ourselves in this walk, in the present.
We can follow our breathing as we walk.

We can be aware of seeing what we are seeing as we walk.

We can leave our cell phones behind, so if we are talking it will be either to ourselves and we can notice this, or we can be talking to a real person at our sides.

We can sense our arms and legs and spine and notice just exactly what we are doing with each other them.

We can be listening to the sounds of nature, or our footsteps, maybe even the sounds of our breathing.

This might be a nice way to be all the day, but hey, for a walk, this is a great way to be, and a great start to being awake and aware and present in our lives.

Nice vs real, or ?????

NINE: REAL VS NICE

Or something like that.


To be nice. Ah, we all like “nice” people, and then again, most of us who live in the world of reality, have noticed the tendency of some, if not all, “nice” people to have an undercurrent of “something” not so nice. This undercurrent might come out when they have their period, or a “bad” day, or get “tired,” or …. You name it.

And the “something” could be rage, or gossip, or self-righteousness, or getting really sick.

Whatever.

That’s almost beside the point.

The point is to wake up in our lives to the moment.

Tons of “being nice” has to do with pleasing other people, which has a lot of do with socially arranged parameters of what other people “require” to keep their comfortable “sleep” going.

All this is conceptual frameworking on my part. Search around and see if there’s any truth in there for you.



For starters, though, let’s try some distinctions: Nice vs. Kind. Kind means of “kin,” which means treating people like family, assuming the family is a good one. Sometimes being “kind” isn’t so nice, means saying, “I love you and no.” No, you can’t borrow the car. No, you can’t have the money. No, you can’t keep trashing the living room.

And again, the point is to be present, paying awareness to ourselves in the present while we have awaring on the person outside of us.

This might bring us to “nice” behavior. It might bring us to noticing, “This person is really acting weird,” and asking, “What’s going on? Something seems to be really bothering you?”

Being “nice,” might mean hiding this. Being kind might mean trying to find what’s bothering them.

And being present might be just being curious: what’s going on here? Is my guess about outer reality right.

Being present might be looking at the person and seeing an unhappiness.

Being present might be realizing that when we are present, we are relatively happy.
We don’t have to drown, or to feel like drowning, or to even “feel bad” about another person drowning, to save them, to be of use.

This is a sweetness to being present: we might find ourselves being useful, even in ways that are new to us, that aren’t “nice,” in the keeping everything as it always was way.


What would life be like if we were present and “real” (whatever “real” means) instead of “nice?”


This is the question today.

Just be present and let it be in the background and see what happens.
Enjoy

Be of good Cheer

FOUR: BE OF GOOD CHEER

The present is always here

The present is always here. Today’s game is to be present, as is the game of every day. To be present in your body, noticing both arms and both legs and spine and breathing.
And to be of good cheer.

Walking in and out of your house, sense your arms and legs and spine. Notice your breathing. Be of good cheer.

Talking to people, even awful people, be of good cheer.

Driving a car, walking, riding a bicycle: be of good cheer.

Making your food: be of good cheer.


Hint: slowing down, being present, not falling into the rushing to the next thing way of being, this will immensely help this game.

The game, even as you read this: be present in your sensing, and

Be of Good Cheer.

Yes, we can

Okay, we can breathe
again

We can be proud to be
Americans
again

We can almost have hope
that
the world
can be turned around
before the human race destroys
itself.

Almost.

Ah, and with many "too good to be
true"
happenings:
the temptation:

go into a sleep of contentment,
now
it's going to be
"happy ever after."

With or without
this fabulous man as President
I am either awake in the moment
or
a high functioning robot
or
a low functioning
robot
With or without this
fabulous intelligent
ground breaking
politician,
and I do mean gooooood politician,
at our Presidency:
the whole system,
from education,
to finance,
to how we feed ourselves,
to living in and for our cars,
to rushing and cell phoning
and being out of
our lives
and out
of touch with nature,
most of the time,

probably
could do well to change.

if the planet is to survive.
if the insane degradation
of much of modern life
is to stop.

change
inner change
outer change.

and can we do
it
and be present
at the same time

we'll see

and now's
always the greatest
sweetest
surest
time to being
experiencing
the present
of the present

This choice
is there
here
now.

Good.


Sweet stories
on reactions to this via
APP story on Tears and Celebration at Obama's victory

Meaning of Life in Three Layers

Marlie's daughter Sari


today's essay at Wake Up Feldenkrais.blogspot.com

Solstice of sorts

Amazing William, plus Beth, plus Marlie


the party
of people over
friends
lessons
food
being present
to each other
and food
and what is going to

happen
next

a small child
is always a fun
way
to allow
life
to jump
and swerve
from one present
to the next

william
is an expert
at having life
as an
ongoing
curiosity
delight
and dis
covery

party

the present
is
always
the
best party

and even
better
when
others
are in
on
the fun

warm or cold, who is responsible?

when i am cold
i hide from
loving life fully

is this me
or is it the cold?

when i talk to people
sometimes
i am there
listening
excited to be present
to myself and to them

sometimes i have a message
i want to get across
sometimes i don't
"like" the person i'm with:
in these states:
i'm not present
not happy
not clear

this:
how to be warm
when
the cold
wants to take
over

my question
for the day:

love
chris

Playing and Stupor, parenting and waking up

essay today,
over at Wake Up Feldenkrais
on playing
as the boy
above is doing

playing
without a plan,
without copying,
without compulsion,
without efforting,
as a key
to learning as a lifelong
joy

and if we are parents:
what about this:
to watch play
encourage play
and rediscover
play
in our life

active play
not just paying to be entertained
or letting the tube do
it,
but real play
as we
invent
from within

amazing when
we re turn
to who
we really are

and that being
is now
and playful
and quiet
and serene
and creative
and inventive
and ......
alive

essay today
over at Tai Chi Yoga Health Weight Loss blog
on eating
as a path to
the happiness
of eating ourselves into a stupor
or
the happiness
of waking up
to the now

with mention of
our old friend Gurdjeiff
along the way

hmmm.

Hallow Ween and Parenting

what are you going
to be for Hallow Ween??
Note:
new almost blog starting at
Marvelous Marlie Blog


my favorite memory
as the parent who "gets"
to go out with his kids
on Halloween
was when my son was perhaps
four or five
and it was his first night out

he was superman
and didn't know yet
he would grow
up to be an actor
(he's thirty one now),
but we could have guessed

the candy was boring to him
compared to getting to wander
all over the neighborhood,
going behind bushes
and then jumping
out
again
and again
as superman

his sister
older and into the candy thing
big time
(sugar free until we took Amtrak
across the country when she was two and a half,
and everyone had to offer the little cutie
some sweets,
and that's another story)
keep wanting him to move
along
he kept having fun

so
what is a sane parent
to do
with the sugar thing
and the hype thing

be present
find some great natural sweets
to make and give the kids at home:
apples, honey, pears, whatever
is in season:
dates

fat plus sweet = most deserts
so a date or fig or banana or apple
and some peanut butter
or tahini or almond butter
and
fill 'em up on healthy sweets
first

and then what to do?
ah, you'll figure it out

be present
give hugs
give love
most starvation for sweets
is a starvation for love
anyway

so pour it
on

and think about:
who would you be
if you could put on a costume
and have some fun

and i don't mean the usual
boring
dance too hard
halloween
dance things

also
ponder and
somehow take advantage
of
the hallow sacred night
night and the unconscious
imagination
not costume to buy
but the concoct string together
in the mind's eye
costuming

the play's the thing

let them be
in the play stage
of the world

there's probably a way
to avoid the candy thing
and you have
the fun of figuring that

your play
on your stage
the parent game


ciao
Chris

Remembering Ourselves

to be now
and know
we are
right now

this can be called:
Remembering Ourselves

it can be called
Being Awake

it can be called
Being Present

it can be called
Being Mindful

where Mind is not just
in the head
but heart
and body
and spirit

how to be
now

perhaps the most
important
question in life

or at least one of big
three:

how to be now
how to love and take care of each other
how to love and take care of the Earth

(this site, once a day,
the other two,
once a week,
and today's the day,
to add something to each
wakeup-feldenkrais.blogspot.com
and
http://taichiyoghealthweightloss.blogspot.com/

it may take a while
but something will be
there
today

and what was this all
about:
oh yeah:
remembering ourselves

easy to forget
fun to remember

a sweet
and always
available game

Happiness Now, 2

This is a mallow plant.

At the end of Steinbeck's Tortilla Flat, a discouraged gopher, living in heaven
in a yard full of mallow, and hence mallow roots, has to leave his
garden of eden because there are no females in this food filled heaven.

Mallow is a hibiscus relative,
and hence is edible.

I ran some through my wheat grass
hand grind juicer
with wheat grass
home grown
this morning.

Is this a way to happiness?
One way.

Taking a walk
is another.

Following my breathing
is another.


Finding my skeleton
and breathing and noticing them,
and then playing with them
is another.

Being aware
of this
moment
as the unique
present
that it is

is always the path
back to happiness
now

this now
different
than the now
when the little essay/ poem
started

moving along
breathing in
yes
breathing out
yes
light coming in
our eyes
yes
feeling our skeleton
in gravity
yes
sounds coming in
our ears
what is our skin
touching

the now
is so
full

and if we keep
the stories
out
or question
the stories
(see, as always, The Work of Byron Katie)
or look at them with amused
side glances
of delight
and realization

realing this:
we can always
come back home
to a stillness
to
a noticing
to a
nowing
to
an awareness

of being alive
right now

yes

Clear and Present

I loved being at Ananda for a month.

The nature.

The same people
that we got to see
without getting in cars,
and making appointments
in our calenders
and all that normal
"when can we get together....
so busy...
i'll call...."
nonsense.

people
meet
greet
have time for each other.

that was part of my campaign
for slow sonoma:
stop driving off
somewhere else,
walk over to a neighbor's
house
and talk, or garden, or walk together

anyway:
i realize
now
back in sonoma,
(which is not as slow
as i was in ananda,
a village that deliberately
did not put in a cell phone tower)

how important a spiritual under
pinning was

i am not a total yoganada
fan
though i love his book

but i like a spiritual
place
and i like
yoga where they say
yogas chitta vritti nirodah,
which means,
yoga
is the stilling
of the whirlpools of thought and worry and hurry
and a coming back to the stillness of just now.

i like being present
now,
and clear
and unhurried
and unworried

i do disagree with all this stress
in ananda about working
up the energy
i think
the energy is always there,
and if we just stop being unhappy,
or unpresent
or worried
or tense (which comes from unawareness, often),
then we have all the energy in the world

maybe i'm wrong

but i'm really liking this idea
of
clear and present mind
no real focus,
except the focus of
such a sweet space of
being here
aware
alive,

all that,
what a prize
each
moment
a gift

yeah, yeah,
you know the one,
a
present

ahimsa

Ahimsa
means non-violence
and is one of the ten
suggestions in yoga.

five are things to cool it on
and five are things to cultivate
(see contentment, santosha, earlier posting)

non violence
is yoga
is pretty easy to realize
and often forgotten:
let's not hurt ourselves
let's not confuse learning to move
and to be in our bodies
and to find the spiritual essence of a posture
with this weird idea that if it
isn't painful we aren't getting
anything out of it

and in teaching yoga
ahimsa
is to be kind
to all the students
what can they do
that they will enjoy
in this class
what can we all do
that they will learn
what can we not do
that they will have a chance
to be silent
and connected to all
that beauty that comes
in the stillness


ah