all things end

the month
ends
the move
almost,
almost
ends

we are in a new
house

quiet
full of light
not much stuff
yet
it's all in boxes

good
let it stay there

no
no
maybe courage is
called for

open the damn things
see what's there
and send it off
into someone else's
connection

this is a metaphor,
undoubtedly
for something
sweet and true

now,
just the good old fashioned
wisdom:

lug stuff around all day
get tired
enjoy
sleep

who would we be

who would we be
without
our

story????

more mess, more movement

to move
our arms
and legs
with awareness
and then
add on
the central exploration
from pelvis
and ribs
and brain:

amazing

and to
move the books
and stuff
and furniture
and the cars
and muscles
and people
and boxes:

hmm

that's a bit
"hard"
to do
with awareness

and
is there
any
better game
in
town

this town
called
Life???

this mess

kufe
is not a word

life is
and if you shift
your fingers
one notch to the right
life
turns
into
kufe

so be
it


moving is
if i believe my story:
impossible

so i'd just better stick
with now
and this moment
and be happy to
be awake
and aware

and full of love
and we'll see what happens

---

anyone who wants to help
for any hour or
two

la
la

that would be a nice
chance
to meditate
and move
and be aware
and share
a little air
and time
and smiles
with some
other good
people

this breath

this breath

is always

well, almost always

followed by another



the rain
one drop
another and another

and usually
it's not forever


we'll see

right now:
as far as i know

the rain
may be eternal

and that's a story

the rain is now

the "move"
is under way

i haven't "done enough"
a story
that causes pain

i can attach
to it
or inquire:

is it true, that i haven't done enough?
can i absolutely know that i haven't done enough?
what are the consequences of attaching to that belief?
pain, worry and distress.
who would i be without believing that story:
curious.
what more to do tonight
what will tomorrow bring
who am i
what is this breathing
and moving all for

life
or worry

love
or stress

now
or
concept

blah
or
blah

and what is the turn around:

i haven't done enough
of watching my mind
get me into the same
old soup

rain
drip
drop

mind
slip
slop


happiness:
always there

like the sun
behind the clouds
on the rainyrainiest day:

hmmm


good

staying awake and "stress"; realizations about love

Gurdjieff has this fun thing
the fourth way:

go out into the world
and stay
awake

he calls it
"remembering yourself"

moving time

not moving arms and legs,
but moving the house and books and furniture

and
email
and phone
and bills
and blah
and blah

and that is hard
for me
so far
going through phone change
and internet telling me no, no

la,
la

i "forgot" myself
while doing it

and the great
joy
to stop forgetting

and come back

home

---

hints on love:

if the other person has to do
anything

anything

to "deserve"
or get
or have

your love

then,
it isn't love



which makes it weird and very free:
my loving you
has nothing to do with you

sounds impersonal
and yet,
how freeing:
you don't have to suck up,
live up,
be good up,
do good up,
to get my love

if
i am
awake

---

starting to see
how powerful
this is???

what's it like to be awake while talking

wonderful

bright

full awareness of our own bodies, breathing

light coming in, awareness

seeing, enjoying, listening to the other

no words getting ready to say in our heads

no hurry to say our bit, or our next sentence

feeling our tongue and our resonance as we speak

hearing our words as we speak

realizing if we are saying something new and
true
or
just running
some
familiar same old crap
tape

loving what the other says

curious,
excited,
in love:
who is this other person????

Why do we Love?

why do we love???
??
??

Because it's fun

because it's who we are

because we've gotten a bit
of wisdom
and have discovered
that anything else
hurts

because
it keeps us alive
and vital
and learning something new
from others and ourselves
and
the Earth

be cause

be calm

be now

if you can

otherwise
love

wherever
you are

and that
will bring
you back

home

The Meaning of Life, or: Loving What is

LOVE IS ENOUGH
you know how they say, love won’t pay the rent.

That’s true.

And still, it’s what we live for, when we slow down enough to admit what is making our lives wonderful.

And it’s not the love of others, though, of course, that is fine and dandy.

It’s the loving of others,
that sweetens the moments
and
stretches
our hearts out to meet this infinite miracle called life.

What does that mean?

I don’t know, or if I did, if would be just words.



This is more than words, and it
comes from now, and now is always
with us and the freedom of that
moment by moment open possibility: to love what is.
What is, ah. Always here.

And if I love it, I’m fine,
so fine it/ Life can almost


take my breath away.

And if I don’t love it:
man, can I suffer.

And even that is good: the suffering


is meant to be there: wake up,
Chris, wake up, it says,
you are suffering because you
have left the now and the
love and the connection to
yourself that is why you
were
meant to be.

Yes.


That is all.
For now.

This now.

dreaming vs. being awake

this is a big question
and a wonderful one

in our hearts
we wish
the best
for someone
hopefully not just ourselves

in our .....
we love
love
love
to be alive now

all is good

all is well

well come

all

What's good about life?

So many chances to wake up

so many chances to love

so many chances to fuck up and then realize
we are fuking up
and mispeling
and then
move on
or move in
or move over
and let
God
take over'

rumi of the day

today
like lots of other days
we wake up frightened
planning
in the future or past
asleep to our real self

don't open the door to
the study
and begin reading

don't open the computer
and begin emailing

take down the lute
and sing

take your feet
outdoors
and walk
under a ceiling five miles high

let the beauty we love, be what we do
there are thousands of ways to kneel
and kiss the ground

rumi,
and me

less force, and more...

to learn
we need to perceive something
new

if we get in a jam
we often want,
as parents,
or as anyone,
to try to bash on through

as if doing what we were doing
that didn't work
and using a louder voice
or tighter grab
or more frantic air
will get things to the next place
we want to go

unfortunately,
this might work,
with everyone feeling rotten,
but they got bullied
along

maybe
this is not
such a good idea

slow down

today i'm
in a
"rush"

a time thing
and please
another
person
by being on time
thing

and these are great
ways to lose
the now
and to lose ourselves:

clocks rule
other people's expectations rule

so giving
to myself
the advice
i've been known
to offer
to the sweet
wonderful
world:

breathe
sense the skeleton and five lines
(two arms, two legs, one spine)
in gravity
be aware of breating
be aware of light
and keep a fluid neck
so head my head, my eyes, my ears,
can rotate easily in
any direction

breathe
sense
aware
fluid

now

slow down
chris

good

Denmark, a happy society, from my sis

she watched a program
and saw this
and was impressed
about how the country
did good things
and seemed to care about
people
and that made
for happy people:

Denmark---the doctors and other "rich" pay up to 63% of their income as taxes so that there isn't that much difference in income from top to bottom. A Dane prince works as a carpenter. 93% of all Danes participate in a singing or dancing club.(That would be the end of me right there, possessing negative talent in both areas. And if you get together some people to start a club, the gov't pays for it. Medical care is free, school is free. People aren't interested in material goods and they ride bikes (presumably when there isn't 4 ft of snow) rather than drive because it's good for them. They even have laughing clubs. The garbage man was treated like a king and only had to work 5 hours so that he could coach his daughter's handball team.

tired is a great excuse

Marlie reads yoga sutras of Patanjali

tired is a great excuse
to be unconscious
to be grumpy
to blame others
for feeling bad
to
"want it to be over"

and so on

also
a great excuse to
experience
the experience of "being
tired,"
and seeing what happens
in the experience
vs.
in the
story

la
la

love
and so
o n

and
on
and
on

staying awake

when i eat too
much
late in the evening

i can forget to stay
awake

and then i remember
and when i'm really awake
it's so lovely
that i don't have the usual
energy

to beat myself
up for the "mistake"
of "eating too much
too late."

besides:
raw food,
brendan enjoying his,
marlie thrilled with ideas
for homemaking miso
(she smart,
not eating,
looking beautiful)
and that's nice

as Katie
( and the work)
suggests:
take the idea

"I made a mistake"

and run it through:
judge your neighbor (sometimes yourself)
write it down
ask four questions
turn it around

fun:
loving what is:
fun

experiencing
this life
now
which is all
i can really touch
and experience:
nice

sweet nice
life

i hope
yours is
so easy

and all
it takes
is a turning
turning
the Sufi's turning
re-turning

back
back
to the Self
the quiet
experiencing
without describing

this
now

yes

awakened mind

what is the awakened
mind?

a nice place
of return
to watching
all of life
and being in
love
with
each and every smidge
of it

big order

and who
knows?

maybe our natural
state

---

nice late
christmas
with
wenonah
and brendan
tonight

gratitude cafe
in bekeley
walking the big
city streets
exchanging presents
and some
presence
and lots of
ease
and
appreciation
around a public
table

good

what's with this chi thing?, rumi poem, my poem, la, la

Marlie and Sophie, after Marlie's demo video Saturday

is there chi
yes?
ain't there chi
no?

tai chi
my chi
you chi
chi for two
two for chi
chi gung

gung ho

ho ho

ha ha

if we are alive
and present
and laugh

and
love

does it
matter?
if the chi
is whatever it's purported to
be
or
something
else?

---

Rumi poem:

Remember the lips
where wind-breath
originated,
and let your song
be clear.

don't hold back
Be your song

if you don't think
that's enough
so be it

it is

go up on your roof
tops
and get silly:
sing out your song
as if you
belong

to the Universe

(my version)

---

my poem:

raining
and the
pain

is waiting
to ease into
our
forgetting

so
remember
the sun
is shining
behind
each
and every cloud

no silver linings
today

only total
love

and then:
a smile
a sigh
and the day
sinks
into sweet dark night

parenting heaven, parenting hell

PARENTING HEAVEN, PARENTING HELL
This is parenting heaven: sweet and happy children. And parenting hell: rebellious or angry or sullen or disobedient or sad or miserable children.

Right?

Wrong.

Parenting hell is when we take whatever they do as an excuse to feel bad or sad or angry or frustrated or bitter or any of the number of ways we can feel when we go into our “feeling bad” mode. Different strokes for different folks. Some of us like to take feeling bad and drive ourselves to sadness; others go for anger; others go for numbing out with substances or media or overwork; others go into self-torture of the mental sort: what did I do wrong, how did I fail, I’m so bad at ….

Whatever our grooved in and conditioned path to unhappiness, one of the ways of using parenthood is to take the inevitable moments, hours, days, weeks, and so on, when our kids are neither behaving nor feeling in their tip top sunniest and sweetest moods as the input to boogie on down that groove.

So, what sort of life is this, if we can’t blame our kids’ lousy behavior for our feeling badly now and then? Not the “normal” life for sure. Not the “ordinary” life in the sense of average (though “ordinary” life, if we wake up to all these moments, is much more a miracle than we hardly ever give it credit for.). Not ordinary, but extra-ordinary would be our life if we could enjoy our children in their “worst” moments as much as we enjoy then in their “best.”

That sounds so weird doesn’t it? The little darlings/ angels/ devils are screaming their heads off, giving us the “no” tantrum to beat the band, and we are happily in love with ourselves and with them? Oh, well, let it sound and even be weird.

Think about them, our tortured darlings: they are having a bad batch and acting out the second half of, “When he/she was good, he/she was very, very good, and when he/she was bad, he/she was horrid.” When do they need our love and attention and listening, and yes, even approval, most? When they are in the funk, right? Anyone can love them when they are being “very, very good.” But if we can’t love them when they are being “horrid,” what are they going to learn about self-love?

They are going to learn to treat themselves like everyone else: if they are on the upswing, they can like and love themselves. If things go bad, they get into the grove they learned when young and hate themselves and feel even worse.

On the miraculous other hand, if somehow we can realize their misery/ rebellion/ funk/ whatever is their business, and we can settle into ourselves and being present and breathing and watching and loving them, think of that sweet lesson. When they grow up and are tempted to get down on themselves for being down, “making a mistake,” having a hard time, etc., they might remember our smile or our hug or our listening or our taking time to slow down to try to understand what’s really going on, and treat themselves that way.

And sometimes when we are in a funk, we just might remember to treat ourselves this way, too. Good learning all the way around. And so here we have our parenting heaven: practicing love without conditions, for the little darlings/devils, and for ourselves. Weird, yes. Wonderful? Yes.

Chris Elms, M.A., has a Master’s in Psychology, and coaches now and then a form of forgiveness and communication between parents and children, especially the “troubled teens” in our lives. Wednesdays here in this blog, are postings on the parenting thing (click Parenting, below, in labels, to get all so far), and answers to questions sent in could be a possibility.

more water, rumi, learning

i can only do this,
but to a lesser extent,
and so what,
even to know
we have a back
and can bend even a little bit that way,
is to begin to realize
how amazing it is
how amazing it is
how amazing we are
how amazing this
time is

to be in this human
body
for this
short/ long
brilliant
and wonderful
(and awful,
when we let the story
get us down)
life
on
earth
thing


the day is wet
the fingers are cold
the stomach is full

my attention
is now
and then
not now
and back
again:

life on earth

the waters
come
the waters go
the waters come back
again

so be it

how much can we love
this life

---

Imagine a man selling his donkey
to be with Jesus

And now
Imagine him selling Jesus
to get a ride on a donkey.
This does happen .

Rumi

Trinity within a trinity

once upon a time
there was a standard
trinity:
father, son, and holy ghost

for some it was great
for some it is great
for some it doesn't really work

here's a trinity I like:

Now,
Nature,
Love

I could write gobs
on how they are almost the same
how they feed
and maintain each other
and
I
won't

inside these are more trinities:

Now:

knowing the now connection to gravity
knowing the now connection to air (breathing)
knowing the now connection to light and sound (free neck, head mobile, where are we oriented, where are we in the world)

Nature:
outside, big earth nature
inside, the small world of our bodies
the nature or Organic Life and that miracle of awareness of It ALL

Love:
loving our real Self (not the image)
loving the Earth
Loving Others (especially when they aren't lovable)

there's more

this can
be
almost everything

and experienced
if way
beyond words

the peace that passeth
understanding

What is the Real Work?

well,
any foolish semi-wise person
will answer:
the real work is
....
and fill in whatever
they really like to
work on
and/ or have found valuable
and/or are
struggling with sincerely
with or without "results"


and that is fair enough

sometimes the real work
feels like this:

be be awake to the moment
the "worse" the moment,
the more useful and necessary the
being awake

sometimes to real work
appears to be thus:
keeping a good heart and good humor
in the light and evidence
of massive human greed stupidity, violence
and the breakdown of a marvelous ecosystem

sometimes the real work
seems to be
to be aware as
someone
me for instance
does whatever they are going
typing onto a screen via a keyboard,
for instance

sometimes
the real work
seems to be
to love the people
including ourselves
who seem like they need it the most

sometimes the
real work
seems to to
forgiving all those fools cretins and bad guys
who didn't realize that their job
in life was to
flatter us
answer our phone calls
agree with us
say nice thing to and
about us

and
so on


maybe it's all
real
work
if we go about
it in a certain way

cold, wet, happy

"half backbend," (head under gap) from Chris' SUFIA yoga (Feldenkrais/yoga/tai chi) mix

to be cold
is odd
and often
"unfriendly" feeling

and i/ we
can crank up the heat

in three ways:

on the wall

in the awarenesss
(just noticing where our bodies
are cold
where they are warm,
what the mid zones are where the change
takes place)

in get moving,
and the heat
can come from within:

five pushups
(head loose and free,
pelvis tilted and lifted,
breathing free
as we go)

five squats
one leggged
or two

a little hopping,
skipping
dancing
tai chi-ing around

fun

come to class
Monday
11:15 at Sonoma Ballet Conservatory
and learn at least ten
really fun
ways to get
hotter,
smarter
sexier
stronger

funner

love
chris

oh, yeah:
learning to love
all of
you
more

Yes

Rain as metaphor, and healer and math problem

Sonoma Creek from "Vella" Bridge at 2 PM

RAIN IS METAPHOR AND FOOD AND MATH PROBLEM
As I write this, the rains have been strong all night and are keeping up the downpour today. It feels as if the world is a very wet place, and to me, that feels as if the “holy” often missing in the “holidays” has in a way returned.

Rain can be seen, felt even, as a metaphor: watering the thirsty earth, it is a deep food for our planet and our own inner beings. Without this rain, the grass and trees would wither and die, and so would we. Rain either waters and feeds all the food we eat, or helps create the food of our food.

And our very cells, almost entirely water, hunger for water. To be healthy we need either drink good water regularly, or eat food high in water content, fruits, vegetables where nature has filled the carrot or the apple or the kale or the spinach with water, or soups and kefirs and yogurts, where the liquidness of the food is part of its ease and comfort and deep nourishment.

Our bodies are mostly water, the earth is mostly water, and at some deep level we all understand the healing gift that these heavy rains are bringing.

And then, on the another “practical” level (as if maintaining the life of our cells and our health by taking in lots of water or water rich foods isn’t “practical” enough), these rains bring snow to the Sierras, which as high mountains near a wet west coast, are the snowiest places in the world. Not the coldest. Not the highest. But the best situated to take advantage of the world’s weather moving east and the water richness of ocean based storms.

The mountains soak in the snow and our roofs push off the rain. And how much rain is falling on our roofs? Here’s the math part, and a fun game: a cubic foot of water comes to 7 and a half gallons (7.5 gallons). A cubic foot of water means one square foot at the bottom, by one foot high. So if it rains three feet of water during the winter, and we have a thousand square feet of roof, that is 3000 cubic feet of water. More math: that three thousand feet times seven and a half, comes to 24,500 gallons of water. And as the roof gets bigger, more water is coming, so that a building with a four thousand foot roof print would meet and run off almost a hundred thousand gallons of water each year (in three feet, or 36 inches, of rain).

Too much math? Go back to thinking of the earth and your cells and the oceans and organic life’s sweet and intimate relationship with water. If you can stand a little more, think about an acre. An acre, if covered with one foot of water, comes to about a third of a million cubic feet of water (also called an acre foot of water). So three feet of rain in a year on one acre comes to a million gallons of water. And so, a nine acre Plaza, or any nine acre parcel of land, receives 9 million cubic feet of water in a year of 36 inches of rain.

That’s a lot. How are we storing the Plaza’s water, and the water in our hills, and off our roofs, and that falling in our yards and gardens and streets and parking lots? That might be a good question, eh?

dark day, rain play

wet day, grey, say "Hey"

remember when you were a kid
and didn't care if you were
"hungry"
because you were running around
doing something you enjoyed?

(the old,
having fun
idea
without any organizers,
plans,
or prerequisites)

you vaguely knew that lunch time
had come and gone
and so what
you were "into" whatever it was

today like
that
plants
from this place of Studley st
or from the Garden Park
out to the new place
we are moving too

not many plants
but loving
the idea
that all this buzzed about rain
will wash them
into their new
home
happily
wetly

anyway

came home "late"
and "starved"
and then did 20 minutes
play/ move/ learn / yoga/ feldenkrais
that felt good

then food wasn't bad
at the end
of all that

and life
was at the center
and food
fed me

parenting, revolutions, devolutions, evolutions, revolutions

always something to do: planting bulbs, see more at marvelous marlie blog pics

new year
and tempting

resolutions:
i will
be
a better parent

better
at what?

well:
i'll say something nice
everyday
to each
child
i talk to
and will
talk to every child
that lives
in the same
house

that would be good

i'll say something
unexpectedly nice
something new
that i didn't say
ten thousand times
already
didn't say
once
already

that's more of a stretch

i'll forgive myself
for the moments
of anger
and confusion

i'll try out
the thework.com
when things get rough

i'll take a walk
take a breath
sense my feet
follow my breathing
remember i'm alive

love myself
laugh at myself

slow down

slow down and sense
and love
and look
and wait...

for what...

for coming
back
to
now

when things get
rough

all sorts
of possibilities

good

Hello "New"

sunny jan 1, salvia still in bloom near house


sunny day, sweet room we'll be leaving soon

Marlie is
wonderful
Chris is
wonderful
today is
wonderful

my left hand
doing the writing honors this morning,
wonderful

the bed warm
and friendly
the morning pages
the long legs
warm
her next to me
the scratch of
the pen
the light
coming in
the window
the breathing
coming in
and out
wonderful

the thought:
this is "too long"
wonderful

the thought:
this is just long enough
wonderful

the you
reading this
wonderful

the you
not reading this
wonderful

the day rising up
and swirling with
or without
us
wonderful

the questions:
should i write
more
wonderful

the answer
i don't know
that
sweet
i don't know
ah,
wonderful,
too,

of course,


happy
new
years'
day
say
hey