What is Love?

What is Love?

When someone wants to have a good
day,
you are happy for their having a good
day.

When they have wound themselves into a
bad day
you offer a lifeline
if they want it
and if they don't,
you are happy that they are having whatever misery
they are stuck in that day.

When someone comes by to see you,
you are happy to see them.
If you want to be alone,
you are happy to see them,
and tell them you want to be alone.
If you want to be with them,
you are happy to be with them.

When someone wants to stay away,
you are happy
that they are doing
whatever they are doing
when they are away.

Harsh
and/ or
amazingly liberating truth:
this includes dead people,
and former mates who decided to leave:
they want to / chose to / somehow in reality
are
away.

If we can love them away,
then our love is vast.

If not,
we suffer.

Okay.

And then: the love
who is going to be away,
sometime later:
the one who is dying,
the lover who is leaving:

can we love them as they
slip away
each day
a juicy delight

and then:
when they are
"gone"
is it true
they are "gone?"

Not from our hearts,
if we want them there.

Can't grab them,
touch them,
talk back and forth face to face
(can talk back and forth in the mind/ heart, long
and sweet
and just right conversations)
and
isn't that their business,
and our business to
love them
just the way
they are
even if it's away.

---

OVER AT 108 DAYS:
UNDOING WITH LOVE AND LEARNING,

doing the
Work
on the belief/ thought/ story
that
I'm going to miss Marlie when we are apart:
Is that true?

five paths, when is hearthbreak heartbreak?

five paths for my
life
and perhaps for my assistance to
you
as well as myself:

Mindfulness

Loving

Serving

Caring for the Earth

Learning


In there comes a yoga beyond yoga,
based on being present
and learning
and kindness to ourselves so that every person
in every class learns how to move more easily
in their everyday life,
not just attempts to get "better" at various poses.

In there:
moving with mindfulness and ease
if ailing in back, shoulders or neck

In there:
moving with more ease
and grace
to dance, walk, ride horses,
garden, do sports,
whatever you love
in a way more pleasing and fun

In there:
learning to talk and be present

In there:
learning to garden and
go about ecological action
in a soft and sweet and
mindful way

In there:
finding the love
inside of so called heartbreak
and learning how far
and wide we can fly
with something far more vast
than the usual "forgiveness"

The self is small
the Big Self is immense

One is the false home
one the real

that's the whole journey
really,
and then sharing, caring
and helping others with the journey

ciao
Chris

..
and today's exploration,
treat,
inquiry
at 108 Days: Undoing a Wonderful Relationship
with Love and Learning is:

Marlie and I are insane to be undoing
something when we are so wonderful and aware
and have such good times a lot:

Is that true?

What would it be like...?

What would it be like
to spend a day
living a life
of

Loving What Is?


might be interesting, eh?

---

Over at 108 days,
more Work of Byron Katie
on my stories
about a certain wonderful person.

how can I help you, friend?

one way out of feeling
bad
for ourselves
is
to take this phrase,
and run with it:

"How can I help you, friend?"

Now, of course, some people will want to
run you ragged with stupid errands
or something,
but most people, if listened to,
will come up with something close to what they
really want:

someone to listen
someone to spend some time with
someone to help them do a few chores in the garden

it's usually kind of simple
which confounds the busy, busy mind
that likes to keep "busy"
(for fear of being "worthless",
both concepts out of reality)
and something as simple as slowing down
and actually paying present based
attention
no criticism
no praise
just Hi, there, I see you,
and what I see is good,
not because of anything you are doing,
or have done,
but just
because
you are
you.

What a nice help
we can almost always be to another.

And if no one is around,
what a nice help to
ourselves:

hello, friend,
I see you there,
and what I see is good,
not because of anything you are doing
or have done,
but just
because
you are
you.

ah, la:

the old amazing
make your own jail
scheme:
worry, fret, sweat about me, me, me
with this result:
misery


and the jail break:

take some time to care for
and attend to
and be of use to another
and : ease and grace

the old love
trick

oh, well
sometimes life
works amazingly sweetly

and
what about my supposed "problem?"
who knows what I'll do the Work of Byron
Katie on
over at 108 days,

we'll see

ciao,
Chris

Love Is

love is
easy
really

and that's so strange
to most people
most of the time

that's because
they
we
you and me
we forget
that love is about the other person:

when we want for the me, me, me
thing
running out robot show,
then we are going to be disappointed,
sooner or later,
without fail

when we want the other person
to have
be
and do
exactly what they are doing
feel what they are feeling
like and dislike what they dislike

then it is easy:
because they are just doing what they
always do

another way of saying this:

love is
allowing the other person
to do, feel, be what they
are
doing, feeling, being

and the easiness:
we don't have a choice

and when we realize that:
love


so:
a friend dies

what they did:
left the scene

a certain physical pain
may erupt for awhile,
but the suffering of
"they should still be here"
so I can talk to them, and
share time and love with them,
that's about me, me, me

a nice and loving part
of me, me, me

and still:
their path, their choice:
to die

can we love them
where they are
exactly where they are:
not here


and so,
as Marlie and I get along better
than ever
anyone I tell
that we are going to go separate ways
come February
is
"sorry"
or "feels bad for me," for
us,
and yet,
we are just fine,
deeply loving

our path:
to be together now

our path:
to be apart after February

when that time comes
I'll either love her
as a person not sharing my daily life
and feel clear present and happy

or,
I'll "miss" her
and want her to want to be connected
in our daily life,
which she doesn't want,
and then
I'll suffer

suffering is option

I'll do the work of Byron Katie

I like ongoing happiness, being present
and love

if you want the same for yourself,
you might try the work yourself.

your choice

your sweet and precious choice:

enjoy

---

today's Work of Byron Katie
over at 108 days: Undoing a Wonderful Relationship with Love and Learning

"Other people should be more understanding of what
'Marlie and I are doing" Is that true?

Getting Along Better

sleeping outdoors, with a friend, under stars: nice


if you knew that your partner
was
going to die
in the next four months,
you'd probably treat them considerably better,
right?

and vice-versa:
if they knew you were going to die,
the taking for granted
and pettiness of most relationship
life,
to say nothing of manuevering for
control
that could fade way to the background

and here's a way
we often
or, to be honest,
almost always,
forget to look at things:

my partner is going to die
I'm going to die

ah,
my

and then, we put that
off into
the
"not soon,"
"not us,"
"I've got other issues to steam in"
wastebin of ordinary existence

Well, good news
around here:

Marlie and I,
knowing that we are parting on the first of February,
have taken sweet steps
back toward appreciating each
other more or less
full time,
supporting,
listening,
learning,
loving

it's not so
bad

it's great, in a way:
and a reminder:
we could have been this way
all
the time

and we weren't


and even if we were always kind,
there were differences,
and I have been exploring for awhile with her
the idea
that I didn't think we could last full time
(my narrowness?
my vision?
both?
who knows, doesn't matter,
love matters,
not that something "last"
"forever and ever")

and her,
she wants a simpler life,
a her at the center,
not so crowded with another person
around,
especially one with a forceful personality,
setting up "the way"
things should be done

and this,
the forcing my way,
I'm greatly enjoying letting go,
knowing of our death coming up

and I fail sometimes
at this giving
up of boss nonsense
and sometimes
I don't fail

good

and we can joke
now
instead of argue
about our differences
and listen more
about where the other wants to
head

and even,
(so great, this
so sweet)
be of use to each other as we
venture in different directions


not bad,
a mini-death looming

and it's there for all of us,
any relationship
death will come:
one will die, the other will die,
one will say first,
"it's time to go separately,"
or
the other will

and then
we can fight and argue and blame
and garner up "friends"
to "take our side"
(friends is in quotes there,
because though pretend friends
like to try for closeness via the
common enemy route
and "help" (really hurt) a person
think they are "right" in a
"struggle",
these aren't really friends,
they are gossipers,
and soul thieves,
chickens looking for a wounded one to
peck)

that's the normal way:
fight
argue,
be bitter
blame
get the "help" and agreement of false friends

and then
the way of waking:
what sweetness
what mindfulness
what helpfulness can I bring
to the last months
before my death

a good way to go about all
of life,
knowing death could be any moment

hmmm

is this "heavy"
or is thihttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifs freedom

in our reactions one thing,
in reality,
another

good


today at 108 days:
Marlie should stop seeing the sins of my past
in the actions of my present

(and a reminder,
this is the Work of Bryon Katie,
where you look for the remaining judgments,
and deal with them,
you don't pretend you are in unconditional love
until you really
really are:
the amazing wisdom of
Judge Your Neighbor
Write it Down
Ask Four Questions
Turn it Around

it's so easy to stop the work
when things get calm
and pleasant
and my commitment
is to do it to the bottom

ciao,
Chris on Thursday

"Love," "Being In Love," Woody Allen, mindfulness, stupidity

i know you aren't supposed to say
Woody Allen is stupid
and he does make halfway
intelligent movies

ah,
yes,
and one,
if one is me,
wishes so much for the other half of intelligence

Vicki Christina Barcelona
goes on and on,
has some hot sex,
even a trio that has the dark woman
and the "blond" (bottle blond)
and the dark handsome scruffy artist
huggy huggy kiss, kiss

and somehow "being in love"
is the goal
of life
and no one in the movie
betrays an ounce of awareness of either
what love
is
or what
being in love is

oh, well

so,
let's make a little stab at it:

"love" is wanting, wishing and acting
such that the one
you "love"
will have a good, happy, and wonderful life

"being in love"
is that sort of romantic opening,
when people come out of their little
me/ me/ me shell and realize:
ohmygod, there is another person
in the world,
and they are fascinated and thrilled
by that person
and obsess about that person
and want to be around that person
and if luck has it
get to do wet goey wild sex with that person
which makes the myth:
this person is the one who makes it all
happy, happy, happy for me
seem to be true

so:
"being in love"
is sweet:
a realization of the wonder of another being
and nuts:
a story that the other person is
making the happiness that is firing off
inside

what's really happening is
that
when we "fall in love"
we shut down our "staying out of love"
mechanism,
through which most of our life operates

and how does the
"staying out of love" mechanism work?

I am worse than
you
I am better than
you
I am different than
you
You scare me, worry me, annoy me

We are separate
and what I see is how you will impact my
me/ me/ me world

the world of business
that world of war
the world of politics
the world of popularity and celebrity
and manipulation

most of the world

and then we take a walk
and
if lucky:
"fall in love"
with the sky, or a rose,
or a passing smiling person
or a cloud
or being alive

anything's possible
and being alive
is the miracle

being in love
could be
being in love
with possibility
life
the Universe
the miracle of Now

something like that

and so
mindfulness brings us
to loving the whole world
and stupidity
keeps us searching
for just the Right One
for Being in Love

sounds harsh,
and it's stupidity to believe
in any words
over the experience of now,
even these

---

la,
la

such sweet stuff,
and do I have to drag up gunk over at
108 days?

no.
don't have to,
no requirement
to dig in and do the work every
day

and I will:
the work isn't over until I've cleaned up
all the residual gripes and complaints
and worries and fears and angers:

it's a lot
and it's the gold mine of compost
for the heart and soul:

today:
Marlie should want to form an amazing combination
of yoga and Feldenkrais/ Anat Baniel thinking with me:
Is that true?

building love, 10 minutes at a time

how get clearer with someone you love:

they talk,
you listen
no interruption
four minutes
listen, really listen, don't "plan" what to say

they stop
a timer goes off say

a minute or so:
silence

next talk,
you talk,
they listen,
you talk about you're important
places,
your loves and likes
and anything
but about what they said
anything
but about them

two people,
in their own business

building love

Movement and Love, helping our knees, please

we've been dealing with Knees
around here

a sweet and amazing
joint
the knee is really amazingly
designed to do not very much,
but it's a huge responsibility:
to transfer the power of the center
down to the feet
to transfer the information and
grounding from the feet up to the pelvis
and from there
to the spine

and it's the feet
and the hip/ pelvis that are supposed
to have lots of mobility,
and the knees
just kind of do not very much
going this way or that
as they bend and straighten
and transfer the force

so:
how to improve your knees?

lie on the floor,
one foot standing on so that one knee is
up toward the sky
and one leg long

if one knee is "iffy"
start with the first best
knee as the one
pointed to the sky

and with the foot pretending to be walking,
or doing yoga,
or standing around,
push a little weight into the standing foot,
and experiment
play around with
discover
the different ways you can
push into the ground:
side of foot
other side
toes
heel

then do easy
feel good
and
interesting circles with your pressure thru
the foot into the ground

and reverse

and rest

and same, first best leg:
come to foot standing again, and press into the ground
a bit,
so the pelvis is rotated,
and circle the knee,
but think of this as coming from the hip,
and feel as part of the circle, a nice sweet
arching of your back during big parts of the
circle

and reverse

and rest

and then
maybe,
in imagination or "reality"
do the same thing,
gently
with your second best leg/ knee

there's lots more
and lessons are cool,
see links to right
on neurological upgrading

and what about the "relationship?"
well,
things are sweet,
and good to dig in the sweet times
so i'll do something today over at
108 days

and on what?
the first troubling thought that comes to mind is
"I don't know what's going to happen"

that's an old familiar source
of suffering,
isn't it

so jump on over
and join
the undoing fun, if you wish

ciao
Chris

8th anniversay

this sunflower, came along, all on its own. one of many, many gifts


Well
well:

it's been a sweet ride

on the night of
September 21, 2000,
when I was sleeping outdoors
in the large garden of a house where I was renting
a couple of rooms
(this luxury, sleeping outside
in the fresh air and under the ceiling a billion
miles high, having been a requirement of mine
before I would rent the rooms,
and yes, there was indoor sleeping for the
harsher times of year,
but september, ah September, I was out
in the garden not yet asleep)

and a sweet friend came
by
to slip under the covers with me,

her name:
Marlie Wesner

and the night was nice

and very much of the next eight years has been nice.

she loves herself more
and me too

she is far better at yoga
and so am I

I have learned a whole new world,
the Feldenkrais, Anat Baniel world
She has far deepened her abilities to
teach yoga as a spiritual practice as well as
a physical thing

we've had tons of fun,
gone to Big Sur, and Malibu,
and ridden our bikes together a million miles
and worked in the community garden,
so beautiful when we were both there,
with little water,
and now, alas,
it's a bit sad

we've had many a sweet meal
and now,
eating outside
and we've created our own beautiful gardens

we listen,
sometimes,
sometimes in a structure I recommend to
everyone:
one talks for five minutes,
the other listens,
no interruption,
no comments
the next talks for five,
no comments on the first
and paying loving attention
to both the person as speaker in the present
and the person as listener in the present

the present
of real listening

sometimes we did the Work of
Byron Katie together
sometimes we didn't
and if I think
"Marlie should have done the work of Byron Katie more,"
guess what?
That's my work, not hers.

we were loving and supportive
we were critical and undermining

we did things together

some of us,
me,
wanted more to do together,
a building of an amazing combination
of yoga and Feldenkrais

some of us,
her,
wanted to be left alone
to their own path

some of us,
her,
wanted some of us,
me,
to behave in a more "fit in with the crowd"
way
and some of us,
me,
declined that path

we had and have our disagreements

we had and have our love

and now,
moving toward parting on the first of February,
we have our love and our learning
and not a little trepidation:
what is going to happen

and a lot of excitement:
what is going to happen

and a lot of love:
I want it to be good
for you,
sweetheart,
I want it to be good for you

and gratitude:
thanks,
darling,
for eight sweet and amazing
years

ciao,
and
love,
Chris

Things change, hmm

upside down, sort of, in a house we have long left behind:
things change,
hmmm


in life
and in love:
things can change

in life
and in learning:
change is what keeps
us sparkling and finding out more
and more of the richness of life

and does that mean
we have to leave behind anything
"good" that happens to us?

no.

And...everything "good"
that happens to us,
changes.

The seed becomes a tomato
and we eat it,
and compost the bush later.

The child is a baby,
and learns to learn
and crawl
and walk
and talk,
and goes off to college
and then is on the other end
of the phone
helping us when life gets "hard."

The loved one
decides:
ah, yes, this was sweet,
and now,
time for something else.

And they
don't need to know what that is:
loving them means this:
I want that for you,
sweetheart,
I want that for you.


hmmm.

a paradigm shift

as is the moving/ brain/ learning
work we do:

good

it's late,
the other post at
108 days: "This is the wrong time to end our relationship: Is that true?"

uncondtional love

ah yes,
unconditional love,
my
my
my

it
sounds good doesn't it?

unconditional love.

and it feels good.

really good.

but, only if we are really doing
it:
loving the other just the way
they are
all the warts
and nasty looks
and complaints
and unfair remarks
and demands

the total them:

when we are there,
we are loving What Is,
and we are free

and maybe you can jump there

usually I can't hop right over
when I find myself miserable
and annoyed by someone else

sometimes coming into
the total present
will spring me lose
and let me look, hear and allow
the other to be exactly as they are

usually, though,
it takes the Work of Byron Katie
which by encouraging me
to go to my crap first,
with its

easy/ hard/ amazing path:

Judge Your Neighbor (or Reality)
Write it Down
Ask four questions
Turn it Around

First two steps
judge,
and then
write down the thought that I think
blames
the world
for my suffering
and then examine (ask four questions,
turn it around)
what's really happening.

That,
if I follow on through,
can get me to the other side,
on over to unconditional love.

(Since this site
is partially the place I want people to end up
who are wish to discover the "work"
I offer,
I'm moving the in detail Work on the Marlie and Chris thing
over to another blog
which is called Testing Some (Reality) Two,
but for click over purposes I'll call it
108 Days


So there, in
108 Days
I'll keep up my public examination,
of how to love
and leave
and learn
and undo
all at the same time


and in this blog
good old ongoing
SlowSonoma.com
I'll roam between the four places I think I
have most to offer:

Loving Nature
(including healthy eating,
being outside
gardening
permaculture,
all that good stuff)

Being Present

The Byron Katie Work

The Anat Baniel Method and
Feldenkrais work.

Please keep up
with this if you want,
and let me know
what, if anything you are learning,
and how this is helping you,
and how it could be of more help.

Thanks
Chris

undoing relationship, keeping love, happiness, learning and awareness

So life can be
heaven
and life can be hell

often
when people undo a relationship,
they make it hell for themselves and their partner:

they blame
get angry
try to enlist others to "take their side"
feel frustrated
sling mud
drag up the "worst" about the other
rehash "the list" of all past sins
focus on what's "wrong" with the other
blame the other, the parents, other people
try for revenge
fight over the kids, the property, the story about who did what to "ruin" things
and
much
much more

You know that
I know that
you've done it, or seen it

my several times

and then
there is my friend
and maybe yours:
the Work of Byron Katie

Like this,
find the unhappiness
realize you are unhappy,
find the thought behind, beneath, bound up in
the unhappiness
write it down

like this:

Judge your neighbor (or Reality)
Write it down
Ask 4 questions
Turn it around


Okay,
let's today take a common one:

"The relationship is a failure because it's ending"

There it is
a great story, thought to suffer from.

And Marlie and I are dissolving,
that's the reality that this
thought wants to fight.

So let's do the four questions and the turn around:

Q 1: Is it true
that
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?

Well, common wisdom would say yes,
but we aren't look for common wisdom,
we are looking for truth.

Other people might say yes,
but again,
this is about my truth.

And is it true,
deep down that
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?

And the answer is no?

First because as Marlie takes the main impetus,
and I love her for wanting what she wants,
I show me and her
what love really is.

Second, as Marlie strikes out on her own,
without the usual meanness and blaming,
she shows herself and others how to end something
without the usual cruelties.

Third, I have a vision of creating
with a partner a land based center/ village even
devoted to
being present
almost raw eating
permaculture
yoga mixed with Feldenkrais
huge amounts of silence
organic growing and being

this is not Marlie's vision.
She and I are both being honest
and kind to explore what life would be,
even if it means leaving behind a huge amount
of love and fun and common interests
and just
good old fashioned affection.

Q 2: Can I absolutely know that it is true
that
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?

No.
In the Big Picture,
not being God,
I have no real stance as to what is best for Marlie
or for me.
If this is what she wants
and this is where I'm pointed,
this that seems more true.

Q 3: How do I react and how do I live
when I attach to/ believe the
myth/ story/ thought/ concept
that
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?

I feel bad
sad
annoyed
like a bad little boy
afraid
ashamed
angry
sorry
blaming
hopeless
like giving up
out of touch with now
out of touch with joy
out of touch with love
a mess

not breathing
not being useful to myself or others

Q4: Who or what would I be
without the story/ thought/ belief
that
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?

I'd be free.

I could come back to love.

Grateful for now.
Grateful for the fun and not fun
and learning and everything we've had
over eight years.
Honored to have been in this life.
In love with Marlie and myself.


And what's the turn around to
"The relationship is a failure because it's ending" ?


The relationship,
ending in awareness and love,
is a huge success.

ah, my.

Down into the poop
and back up again,
the good old Work of Byron Katie.

It's work
and if I work,
I'm back to my real self:

free
present
in love with Marlie just as she is

that's a nice self
to be in,
I feel

undoing relationship, keeping love, happiness, learning and awareness

i've undone relationship before...
the usual pattern is:
struggle and blame
say enough harsh things so the good stuff is all blown aside
get into an enemy/ enemy thing
focus of "what's wrong" with the other
focus on what you "didn't get"
focus on the "wrongs" done to you
feel unheard
feel unappreciated
feel angry/ sad/ a failure
try to get other people to take "your side"
get and stay tight and restricted around the other person

and so
on
most of you have done this once or more

oh,
well

I did a big crash
with another fine woman nine or ten
years ago,
and did all the above and more
then,
after she was well gone
and angry enough at me
that she still won't speak to me
(bless her hurt heart)
i realized:
hey, I could have loved her
and encouraged her to live the life
she wanted to live:
the life without Chris life

la,
la

does it mean i've failed or succeeded
when women want to leave me?

neither

it means:
sometimes i'm so bossy i'm no fun
to be with
sometimes i'm so useful that my partners
gain in strength and confidence
sometimes i get clearer on what i want
in life
and wish myself for a different sort of
relationship

and more:

it means
nothing
it means

now,
that Marlie
wants a life without me

and we both agree
to do it in a learning
and loving way

I'll be moving out in four months,
wanting to finish out a year
in this amazing place
and both of us
wanting time to help each other
and heal from any stupidities and meannesses
we've both been engaged in over the last
eight years

eight year?

long time

short time

it's been a wonderful trip

and the story:
"It's a failure because it is ending"
is a story worth
investigating,
and as usual, I'll use the amazing
and sweet Work of Byron Katie,
which
leaves no room for bullshit
while giving all the access to heaven
without forgetting to sniff our own poop first

so here we go:

Judge Reality
Write it Down
Ask 4 Questions
Turn it Around

And here I judge myself and us and the relationship and write:

"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

Question 1: Is it true
that
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

It seems so.

Ah, yes. Seems so, is the everyday reality. But what is the proof
that this thought that
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"
is true?

Well, relationships shouldn't end.
Is that true.
No.

So, maybe time for question number two.

Question 2: Can I absolutely know,
for my highest good and Marlie's highest good,
that
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

And the answer here,
clearly, is
no.

I am not God.
I have no corner on what, in the long,
or even short, run
will be best for my highest good,
or Marlie's.

Question 3: How do I react when I attach to the thought
that
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

ah, dear:
I feel bad
sad
worried
anxious
depressed
afraid to live
like withdrawing
blaming
wanting to justify myself
wanting to blame Marlie, my mother, others
wanting to "give up"
not breathing
not loving life
not loving myself
not present
not home to myself
abandoning myself

So,
question 3 is the consequences question.
1 and 2, let me know, that I'm basing my misery
on an opinion/ thought/ story rather than a reality

question 3 let's me know:
this is what I give myself by believing this
opinion/ thought/ story

and Ask 4 questions, calls for one heaven question
after all this sniffing my own delusion and self imposed suffering poop

Question 4:
Who or what would I be with the story/ thought/ belief/ opinion/ myth
that
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

I'd be sweetly curious:
what's coming next.

I'd be grateful:
so much wonderfulness we had.

I'd be excited:
how sweet and clear can these
last four months be.

I'd be dedicated:
perhaps I can be of use to others
who have or will travel this relationship undoing
route.

And finally, the Turn Around,
to
"Our relationship is a failure because it's ending"

Sort of dramatic:
Our relationship is not a failure because it's ending.

Our relationship is a success because we can end
with love
when one of us,
and really both in some ways,
want it to end.

Our relationship is a miracle,
it was to start,
it was in good and bad as it progressed,
and today,
as part of a new trajectory:
more miracle,
more chance to explore and deepen
living in the now,
which is another way of saying:
who would I be without my story:

free,
unconditionally loving what is.


Notice:
the Byron Katie work
gets you to truth
gets you to heaven
but you do need to descend
to judge
to be honest
to go within


just saying "unconditional love"
sounds great,
and then when someone does the
"worst thing"
that's the exciting time,
the time we can really learning what that means
and the bliss
of that sort of "tough love"
of What Is.

hoping you are finding bliss
and freedom on the
other side
of your
"suffering"

soft stomach, open heart, curiosity

loving what is:
the key to
changing
and to
being content,
change or no change


soft belly,
breathe easy,
be present:

in moving
and learning to be at ease
as we reach
and twist
and balance
and move in various directions:
keeping the head and neck free
keeping the stomach soft,
keeping the breathing easy,
being curious:
how could I make this a little easier,
how could I be a little more aware
how could I be a little more kind to myself
how could I allow the various parts of me to help with the whole of me

all this:
good

and when
a so called
"trouble" happens in our life

say
a beautiful partner
wishes to be on her own
and the "end" is what is
coming

again:
keeping the breathing
and the thinking soft:
no enemies
no blames
not even regrets

what has been wonderful:
good
what has been less than wonderful:
good, what can I learn from that

what mistakes have I made?
good:
softly examine,
no self hatred
how could I have been less about me
and more about her
curious:
what can I learn about
how to love
better

and when she was less than wonderful:
good,
what can I learn about being kind
to
a person
who is in a troubled place

as Jesus says,
anyone can love someone who's treating
you all peaches and cream
and
then
when you want to really learn about love,
love the one who is giving you a hard time

and now:
not to give me
a hard
time
or her

and the open heart:
how can I love
change
that my "mind"
"doesn't want"
how can I love
life
when it is
(as it always is)
out of my control

and the Neurological Upgrading Work?
ah,
soft belly,
stay in the present,
curious:
what can be just a little better
now
and
then
now
and
then
now


good,

lot's of learning
and loving possible

if I am to live happily
in what is supposed
to be an unhappy
time

learning

learning
and
love

if we can be
in one
or
the
other,
we've got a great life

if we're
hanging out in both
we've got
an
amazing life


this is my wish for
you
and
hey, why not?,
this is my wish for me:
an amazing life

....

and so:
learning

yesterday,
in spite of working
quite a bit
on the various
"issues"
my mind
has decided to "struggle"
with,
and having fairly
fine success
in this work
since i was doing the
grand
and glorious Work of Byron Katie,
I found myself
a bit depressed
as I was
driving down
for a supervision / advanced
class in the
Anat Baniel Method

and getting there a bit
late
I got thrown right into the lesson:

sit on a chair,
put the left ankle on the right knee,
hold the left foot with the right hand
and the left knee with the left hand
and come from sitting
to standing

this is fun
and in my funk
I couldn't quite do this

which was good

because then when we got to
the floor
and did this and that
for the wonderful neurological
upgrading that happens when
you do the Feldenkrais work
or the Anat Baniel Method work

and the upgrading
which is about learning
and
realizing ways of connecting I'd forgotten
and
expanding my options
and
softening parts of me that were interfering by overworking
and
coming to the sweetness
of now
and the sweetness
of
learning

and double rainbow:
learning takes place
and when
we go back to the chair,
I can stand with one leg folded up
as described above
and

that other rainbow:
no more depression

life is
always
fun
when we are learning

(and even if John McCain
is trying to ruin
the word "fun"
by describing his campaign
as fun,
since maybe lying and being
in a completely delusional world
is fun
still
fun
is a good sign we are doing
something right,
especially if it isn't the jump
up and down
and thrash around fun
many confuse
with fun)

la
la

my and my opinions

oh,
well

love

love is strange

sometimes it
seems so far
away

and other times:
love is the whole world

i've noticed
that when i can slow
down
and
just notice
what is going on
in the present

and inhibit
the wish
urge
habit
to "figure out"
or
"know"
or
"plan"
what is going to happen
next

and
inhibit
the urge
to describe
or catalog
what is going on right now

without that extra baggage:
being with What Is

can often
and easily
spill
into a love
of life

.....

Babaji
of the local ashram
explaining the meaning
of ashram

a: come here

shram: work hare




good

The Turn Around, or Chris and Marlie: two dumb dumbs

so
the turn around
is always a shock

(( turn around?
as in
the Work of Byron Katie:
Judge your neighbor,
Write it down,
Ask four questions,
Turn it around;


and what are the 4 questions?:
the questions are:
Is it True?
Can I absolutely know it's true?
How do I react and what do I do
when I attach to believing the thought?
Who or what would I be without the thought?)




ah yes,
so,
the turn around is
always a shock
and a delight
and a pathway
into freedom
and humility
and sometimes
to humor

a thought:
"So and so should listen to me more,"
goes to "I should listen to so and so more,"
and
"I should listen to me more."

So,
"Marlie shouldn't leave me"

Turns around to

"I shouldn't leave me"

and

"I shouldn't leave Marlie."

one at
a
time

"I shouldn't leave me"
means
I shouldn't abandon loving myself,
liking myself,
being kind to myself,
shouldn't get into feeling I'm a failure
and attacking myself
or
abandon myself by getting into
attacking
(in my mind, or with my mouth)
Marlie, or my mother, say
for teaching me so habits
that make me not the greatest person
to live with sometimes

not abandon myself
means
be present
now
and
now
and
now


Two
"I shouldn't leave Marlie."

and yes, there are big parts of this
separation that come from me
wanting it

I could do the work on "I shouldn't leave Marlie"
and see if that is true, and so on.

Because in a total way
this is a two way deal,
and this morning I just came to a clear
formulation of it.

Like this:

Marlie wants me to be a nicer person.

Cool.
And unfortunately,
when she goes about trying to "fix"
this in me,
she is not nice,
but instead mean and unmindful.

I am want Marlie to be more dedicated to mindfulness.

Cool.
And unfortunately,
when I go about trying to "fix"
this in her,
I am not mindful,
but instead mean and unmindful.

Two dumb
dumbs
slogging it
out,
and
giving up
on the slog.

We shouldn't give up.
Is that true?

Not if she wants to now,
that's her life.

My life is to love her in her wish,
and to stay as mindful
and kind
to her
and myself
as we go about this.

Work?

Yeah.

Good, sweet,
amazing work, that burns out what
needs to be cleared.

q 4: Who Would I BE without the story?

a la

we are to the fourth question
of the Work of Byron Katie

(and what are the 4 questions?:
the questions are:
Is it True?
Can I absolutely know it's true?
How do I react and what do I do
when I attach to believing the thought?
Who or what would I be without the thought?)

who would I be without the story?

free.

curious.

in love with what is

in love with Marlie: she wants to try something
new
wonderful things might happen
for her:
that's good
a grand thing to happen
for someone you love

and that's her world:
it will turn as it turns
and i can love
every drop of
that

no
one
but me
can separate me
from
Love

no
one
but
me

curve 3, question 3, Marlie "shouldn't...."

beauty I'll be leaving, oh well

curve ball 3, and question 3 of the Work of Byron Katie
Marlie shouldn't leave me:

Q 1: Is that true?
I don't know.

Q 2: Can I absolutely know this is true?
No.

Another way of putting q2: Can I absolutely know
that for
my highest good
and
Marlie's highest good
that this shouldn't be happening?

Ans: No.

And Q 3, and of course
we are coming round to The Work of Byron Katie
again:

Q 3: How do I react, and what do I do,
when I attach to the thought
that
"Marlie shouldn't leave me."

How I react with "feelings:"
sad
mad
feeling a failure
feeling afraid
feeling cheated, robbed of all the effort and love I've given
misused
abandoned
poor me
weak
furious

And what do I do?
Want to hide.
Want to lash out.
Want to blame.
Want to get busy, go to movies, overeat,
overexercise, thrash around
and
so
on

My my,
I'd better do the fourth Q,
just to remind myself
that there is another world.

I'll it on my own, and
tomorrow
do it on
here

and for now notice
this about Q 3:

this is what we do
to ourselves
when we chose
(usually out of habit
and fear
and stupidity
and "being like everyone else"
and the wish
to
"be right")
to attach to / believe / stick by
our thought/ belief/ opinion/ myth

la
la:
guess what:
I am responsible for my
unhappiness,
but
only 100%

and I stole
that from Katie

ciao
for
now


For now,
if you are local
and reading this:
you have four months
to do the Byron Katie work
with me
if you want

or the amazing
Feldie
Anat Baniel
pain to normal to way better than
you've been in years
work

then
i'm gone from Sonoma

ciao
Chris

sept 11

this is a day
when
the curve
ball
got

thrown
to America

and the right wingers
always
ready to
hate
simplify
demonize
and go to war
hit
a home run

now,
it's our turn
maybe
the softer
more easy
and looking for humanity
and the other people
and the world
in our vision

up to us
to reign in the madness
come to the moment

be happy
and get the scene as
sensible
and kind
as we
can

how to do that?

start with the person
you live with

undo any strands
of
war

see
what's left

happiness

sometimes
just thinking
about being happy

can remind
me
that
this is how
i
am
when
i stop
doing everything
else

is so
easy

and the sense
of ease

a good
clue

curve balls and strangeness

sometimes

and often

at just the "wrong times"

life throws you a curve
ball

the unexpected,
the strange

just what you "didn't want"

and then:

life means this:

what can I learn

what can I change
in the old habits
or responding

how much
learning,
fun,
amazement
can I get
out of this:

hey,
maybe even hit a home run

can you absolutely?

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

that's
it

that's
question number two
of the Byron Katie work:

CAN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT THIS THOUGHT IS TRUE?


What thought?

The "should" thought.
The "shouldn't" thought.
The so and so is such a way, thought (with the implication: they
shouldn't
be)
And so on.

The work is about getting our hearts
free
from the mind's insistence on
being right.

We have these thoughts.
We are so sure they are right.

"Dad shouldn't have done..."
"Ma should have ...."
"The wife should..."
"The husband shouldn't..."
"My children should..."

And so on.

If after the first question,
we aren't clear that we are in the land
of opinion
instead of the land of truth,
then the second question,
"Can I absolutely know that this thought is true,"
gives us another go at
our conviction
that we are just so right,
just so righteously,
totally and completely
the one
who says:
this is the truth.

So,

we now have two of the four questions:

One: Is it true?

Two: Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?

Two more to go.

Good.

the trouble with me

sometimes

is that i want to
control
the world

sweet little
big
wonderful

wild and woolly
world

doesn't go that way

so:
what to do?

the usual:
find something interesting
to sense
in the moment

be alive to the possibilities
and the humor
of being
wrong

being right
is
such
a stiff
and sticky pedestal
on which
to try to live

ah,
me,

the failures
i've made

what cha
going to do???

Is it true? The Work of Byron Katie, 1st Question

The Work of Byron Katie
is an amazing system
for helping us
get out of the unhappinesses
we occasionally carved
for ourselves.

It goes like this:
Judge Your Neighbor
Write it Down
Ask Four Questions
Turn it Around


the questions are:
Is it True?
Can I absolutely know it's true?
How do I react and what do I do
when I attach to believing the thought?
Who or what would I be without the thought?

So, let's start with the first:

IS IT TRUE?

This is a very kickass question,
though
the temptation
to say
yes
to various thoughts like,
"So and so should have listened to me better."

"So and so should support me more."

"So and so should answer my phone calls."

"So and so shouldn't call me so much."

"So and so should like me better/ treat me better/ respect me more, ..."

and so on.

We feel they are true, yes.

And we could get other people to agree,
which creates a weird gossip level truth:
if five other people can agree that your
mate is a bastard/ bitch,
then it must be true.

And so
sorry,
but the Work of Byron Katie
like any real work,
is about truth,
not social opinion.

So true,
means
true
like gravity is true.

All my friends can disagree
with gravity,
and it will still pull the rock
to the ground when I let go.

So Is it true?
Means, is it true like gravity is true?

And even clearer
and more bracing way to put it,
is,
"Is it true like gravity is true,
or is it true like Chris Elms (fill in your own name)
is true?"

This is a whole other discussion,
but that name
and a whole series of images and ideas
I have around
it,
that's not "me."

So to ask the question
like that
gives it at least double
the kick.

Hmmm.
what a kick.

a little love, a little discipline

sometimes children,
young people
even the Big Baby in us all

needs a little love
sweetened with a little discipline

huh?

isn't that supposed to be the other way
around?
no,
the chutney
without its spices is just jam

life without a little clear effort
(not the huff and puff effort
of almost all movement
systems)
gets stale

and sometimes the parent
for the child
needs to have some interesting
and useful
NOs
out there

want three showers a day?
one is enough.

want to watch television
every day?
twice a week is enough.

the hollering,
the gnashing of teeth
and
then
hell:

you just get rid of the television
and they read
and talk
and hike out behind the place
and learn an instrument

take away
the unnecessary
and many people
will rise to the occasion
with something
real
to do
or
be

what if

what if
every day
we realized
what a miracle
it is
we are

to be alive


what if we
carried
that
feeling
under
standing
real
ization

with
us
all
day

like
a prayer
to life:

thank
you

thank
you

thank
you

This funny thing, God

God is a word,
sending some people to
war

we don't have
to be like
that,
do we?

God can be your smile
or your frown

God can be the hot day
or the "perfect" weather

God can be the way
I realize how
dumb I've been sometimes
or
how
brilliant others.

God can be you
when you bother me,
and I realize,
hey, the botherment
(you heard the word here, first,
maybe)
is in me
and then I can
remember
to love you
just the way you are imperfectly
you...

And hey,
while I'm at it,
why not treat myself
just as well?

Ah, God,
wouldn't that be
nice?

Yes,
and

the smile on waking
up
to such ease
grace
and
love
is another way
that God
is
in
our lives
...

Oh,well
what are you going to do
if today isn't a struggle

And God
just seems to be leaking out
of every little this
and that?

Short and Sweet, Short and Awful

Short and Sweet:
we can be awake
to the moment

Short and Awful:
when we aren't awake,
we have two choices:
low functioning robot
or
high functioning robot

Scary?
Exciting?

Easier for a camel to get through the eye
of a needle
than
a rich man to get to heaven

Was Jesus just talking about money
here?
Or was it the bloating up
of me, me, me
that comes from money

In low functioning robot:
we don't like
ourselves
and don't like
the world
and blame just about everything
but
our own
thinking

In high functioning robot:
"we manage our time well,"
we are
"busy,"
we "get things done,"
we know how to
be-have,
we are "nice,"
we say the "right things,"
and all we are missing
in this wonderful program
of the Well Functioning Me Program
is
ourselves
now
in the present

not perfect
not imperfect

just:
ah,
alive


Short and Sweet
Short and Awful

take your pick

Labor Day and the Love of Now

when I was a boy
Labor
Day
meant going back to school
and putting on new jeans, always ill fitting
and uncomfortable and shoes for the first time
in a long while

and school was usually made even
more unbearable by a fall heat spell

and then
there were all those people
and all that sitting around
and all that noise
and all the dead time while the teacher
over and over said something
not very well

and recess,
a breath of fresh
air
and lunch
awful food by how I eat today's standards
but to a child
food
and freedom to move
and playground sports
ah, that was
heaven
for awhile
and

then going back in
and the afternoon takes
forever
and the bus ride
home
and the sweetness
of walking from the bus to my house
or to a friends
house and
changing out of too tight too uncomfortable jeans
and maybe going to the beach to play
or wandering around looking for other kids
to do
we didn't even know what

freedom
and learning
and discovery
vs
sitting
and rules
and conformity
and herding

oh, well:

And now school
is

when I'm awake
or near awake
and realize it

and

School is:
all of life

....